Tara Brach is a brilliant psychologist and teacher of meditation and mindfulness, and I love this quote, especially for us cancer survivors. “There are some things we can’t choose, but in being present, we can choose how we want to relate to them”.
Similarly, a number of meditation teachers say that meditation isn’t about trying to control our mind, but about learning how to not let it control us. Or that meditation isn’t about stopping the thoughts, but about transforming the way we relate to them.
And to me, this is a real superpower. THIS is one of the greatest gifts of mindfulness. This ability to choose. Because let’s face it. Shit happens sometimes. And sometimes the challenges are really truly awful. And we cannot always change that. But what we can do is choose how we will relate to whatever it is that is happening. We can choose not to allow ourselves to be crushed or swept away by the ever-changing torrent of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that accompany these various life changes and challenges. We can recognize the difficulty of the situation, and understand why we might initially react in certain ways, with those emotions or thoughts. But if we can remain present, aware, and clear as we experience all of this, THEN we can choose. We can decide if that particular emotion or thought pattern is helpful to us in navigating this moment. Maybe we need to just sit with it a while. Maybe we need to get up and move our bodies a bit. Maybe we need to call a friend, seek out a hug, or listen to some soothing music. But we can choose how to best make our way through.
Similarly, we can cultivate this superpower on our yoga mats. We can’t always choose what postures our beloved 😉 teacher will have lined up for us each day. Inevitably there are a few that we don’t love (can you say chair pose and boat pose? Lol). However, yoga practice teaches us that that these poses don’t last forever, that we can choose to stay with our breath and stick with it, OR we can always sit down and take a break! The choice is ours, and only we know what choice is most nourishing and helpful for us each day.
Both yoga and mindfulness (and any mind-body practice really) are incredibly valuable tools that empower us to choose for ourselves, to have some agency over our day to day experience. While we can’t choose exactly what happens, we can definitely choose how we want to relate to it. Cancer diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship bring some of the most overwhelming challenges one can imagine. And in some of those moments, it can really feel like we are completely helpless, like life is dragging us along at 100 mph by our hair (or our scalp I suppose depending on where we are in treatment). Next time you feel like you might get swept away in one of those moments, I invite you to first just notice it. And then, after a few calming, centering breaths, make your choice.
Keep practicing! Namaste.