yogawithleona

A little more about me?

Many of you know me personally, but for any of you who don’t, I thought I’d share some random tidbits about me so you’ll know what you are dealing with. LOL

I’m 44. I grew up in a small town in southern Indiana, and I still visit there at least once a year to see all of my family. I went to Indiana University for my undergrad degree in biology, with minors in english and anthropology. I always really enjoyed writing, and while i did have a handful of things published in medical journals during my years in medicine, my change in career has left me a lot more opportunity to write, which is fun. My Mom was a high school english teacher, though, and so I am always slightly worried about whether my grammar is correct in my writings (jk Mom, I think I get it right most of the time thanks to your tutelage). I went to IU also for medical school, and then left Indiana for residency and fellowship in Tucson, Arizona, where I met and fell in love with my best friend, Robert. And since 2015, we have called sunny Puerto Vallarta, Mexico our home. We absolutely love living here, near the ocean, in a glorious, relaxed, and vibrant community that has been truly healing and nourishing for me.

It sounds corny, but my husband really is my best friend. I was married before, so I know how dramatically different things can be with the right (vs wrong) person by your side, and I am beyond grateful to have Robert. He has been there through work stress, cancer, an international move, as well as through so many amazing memories, both little and big. He makes everything in life easier and more fun, and helps me stay grounded and true to myself.

I never had kids of my own, but am lucky to have 7 beautiful nieces and nephews, and I love to visit them and also to have them visit me here in Mexico! And when I married my husband, I was blessed with 2 amazing step-kids, and now a lovely grandchild and another on the way. Being an aunt and a grandmother is pretty awesome stuff. I’m also really close to my Mom and love going on adventures with her. We went on an incredible trip to India a couple of years ago, and are now plotting our next trip for once covid travel issues are resolved.

I was always a pretty intense person, with a real tendency to overwork, overachieve, overcommit, overexercise, and just generally rush through everything to get to what I thought was the goal. Once I decided what I was going to do, I was on overdrive to get there, and probably missed a lot of scenery along the way. Changing careers, moving to mexico, practicing yoga, and having cancer have all helped me to see the benefits and feel the joy in slowing down, taking my time, enjoying the journey, being less rigid, being able to shift gears and explore different routes, and sometimes not even have a plan. I feel so much lighter, more relaxed, and more adaptable than I did when I was younger.

As you know, I love cats. I have 3, and would have more if I thought they would get along, and my husband wouldn’t kill me. 😉

I don’t have any tattoos, but am thinking seriously about getting a lotus flower on my back, as a symbol of the growth and transformation that can result from life’s challenges if we just allow it to happen. I think I’ve written at least one blog about the lotus flower and its symbolism. I’ll find it and link it here. https://yogawithleona.com/2018/12/30/may-i-live-like-the-lotus-at-ease-in-muddy-water/

I love reading books on yoga philosophy, Buddhism, Hinduism, and spirituality in general. My favorite authors are Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Jack Kornfield, and Pema Chodron, at the moment.

I am pretty proud of building this website myself. I didn’t know anything about websites, and while WordPress makes it as easy as it could be, there was still a ton to learn! The crazy covid year actually served as a real catalyst to get me to finally put in the work to get it done, since I was no longer busy teaching and taking yoga classes in person and had more time on my hands. It has been a fun and different challenge, learning new skills and overcoming obstacles.

I’d like to get better at gardening and cooking. Having cancer made me take my diet a lot more seriously, and recognize that it really is important what you put into your body. Duh, right? I used to drink a coke for breakfast every day at the office. OMG, how could I expect to be healthy?! I’m still not really rigid about it, but try to eat a lot more vegetables, healthy proteins, and minimize processed foods and refined carbs/sugars. I do like margaritas! 😉

But as you all know, yoga is really my passion. I continue to be amazed and inspired by the benefits I feel in my body and my mind. I’m a total yoga science dork, and if you aren’t careful you can get stuck hearing about the latest scientific study I’ve read about the benefits or the mechanisms behind those benefits. My poor husband, LOL. I’ve been practicing for about 10 years, though for the first 4-5 years, I was lucky if I was able to find the time for practice 3 times a week. I currently practice usually 6 days a week, and teach 4 days a week either on Facetime or in person in addition. But don’t feel like you have to practice that much to get the benefits. Any little bit is worth it, so just do whatever feels right to you. I truly love sharing yoga with others, and am overjoyed when I can see someone else begin to feel better because of this simple practice.

All right, that may have been more than you ever wanted to know about me. But I hope it helps you get to know me a little better. Please let me know if you have any requests or feedback about the site, or if I can answer any questions you might have about yoga in cancer recovery.

Namaste friends

The wisdom of surrender in cancer recovery

Eckhart Tolle says “Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to, rather than opposing, the flow of life”. The word surrender can sometimes have a bit of a negative connotation, like it means giving up or carries a quality of weakness along with it. But what ET is talking about here is something different, that I think can be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves in traversing this cancer journey. This surrender is not one of “I give up”, or “I don’t care”, or a “whatever” attitude. Rather, the surrender he is talking about, and the one that I believe can bring us so much freedom, is more of a conscious acceptance of things as they are, of recognizing that no amount of resistance, opposition, defiance, or angst is going to change the facts or the events that have happened up to this moment. Because the moment is what it is. We can bang our head against a wall or scream at the universe, but that won’t change the facts. This type of surrender requires tremendous strength (the opposite of the weakness some might think it entails); the strength to see clearly the conditions in which we find ourselves, and to accept them wholeheartedly. If we do not surrender and accept our situation, we allow ourselves to stay in that mindset of resistance and continuous struggle, thinking “why has this happened”, “this can’t be happening”, “I can’t deal with it”, and “this is horrible” and we just create inner turmoil, distress, more discomfort for ourselves (and maybe even physical illness like ulcers, irritable bowels, or weakened immunity). On the other hand, if we can accept the situation as it is, we eliminate much of that distress, and can instead focus our minds and our energy on what steps we can take to make the next moment closer to the way we want it to be.

You might say, “this is BS, how am I just supposed to accept that I have cancer and have to take all of this crappy treatment?”. I don’t mean that you have to like it, or that you have to believe that it is great. Because let’s face it, some moments suck. And some situations we find ourselves in are really really difficult to deal with. But no amount of inner resistance will change the reality of the circumstances of this moment. That inner resistance just creates more suffering. So instead, we can learn to accept the circumstances as they are, and then choose our next steps from there. And hopefully from that place of peaceful acceptance, we make wise choices and are able to find some bright moments, even amongst the difficult ones, and then eventually better days come, as they typically do.

Let’s take an example. On the day before our next chemo, we could lie in bed and cry all day with misery anticipating how shitty we will feel after chemo, and remind ourselves of every yucky side effect that might arise, and how angry we are that we have to do this. On the other hand, we could accept that this cancer is, in fact, here, and needs to be dealt with. And this treatment is what we need to get better, so we will use that last day before chemo to get a little fresh air or exercise, and then prepare a few things we know will bring us comfort on those hard days ahead. See what a better approach the latter would be? And how much better we will have made everything, including those crummy post-chemo days, by having our favorite comfort foods or movies ready and prepared, as well as getting some joy and fun out of that last good day before treatment.

This is not always easy. It takes practice, just like everything else. So just start by trying to notice when you are resisting. When you feel inner resistance, inner turmoil, irritation, opposition, or defiance toward your situation. Once we notice we are doing this, we can see how it doesn’t make us feel good. How we feel tense, anxious, agitated, perhaps even sick to our stomach or slightly tight in the chest. We can then take a few deep breaths, and practice accepting the situation as it is. Stop and breathe a while here. It may take some time. The situation is what it is, so why fight it? Once you feel the resistance slipping away, notice if you feel a little more freedom, a little more openness, lightness, or clarity. And then you can choose your next actions from that place of peaceful acceptance and stillness.

For me, this practice of surrender, of quiet acceptance of my cancer and of what I needed to do to get myself well again, really helped me get through it much more easily. Surrender allowed me to feel peaceful inside, even though a battle was raging between the treatment and the disease. I chose not to let my mind and emotions also fall into battle. Surrender also showed me the depth of my resilience and strength, making me even more able to handle each next challenge with grace. And this practice continues to help me now, 4 years later, when stressful things come up with the cancer follow up, with some of my ongoing side effects from treatment, or from other non-cancer related life stressors. Give it a try and see if it helps you in the same way.

Namaste friends

(And enormous gratitude to Eckhart Tolle for his wisdom, which has guided me and taught me so much. If you haven’t read him, please do).

Gratitude is the attitude to help you thrive after cancer

I’ve been feeling extra grateful this week, knowing that it is the 4 year anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy (having completed 6 cycles of chemo before that), and it’s got me thinking about the many benefits of gratitude practice, especially for us cancer survivors. Sometimes it just hits me how healthy and strong and resilient I feel, how almost surprised I am at that, and how truly grateful I am to feel so well and so full of life. I wanted to share a little today, so that others who are earlier on in their cancer journey might be inspired to give a try to gratitude practice, and see how significant the benefits can be in helping one navigate through all of cancer’s challenges and recover to a place of amazing strength and beauty.

4 years ago I had no idea that I could ever get to this point, feel the way I feel today, or be able to live the life I am now living. For starters, I didn’t know for certain that I would even still be here. And beyond the simple accomplishment of surviving, I didn’t know if I would be able to be truly thriving. I was afraid of the possibility of debilitating effects of surgery, weakness, late chemotherapy side effects, chronic fatigue, memory loss, lymphedema, pain, and on and on. It was absolutely overwhelming the many things that I was afraid of. And for good reason. They are all potential side effects of cancer and cancer treatment. So if you’ve had the same fears, don’t beat yourself up about it. However, do recognize that allowing yourself to stay in a whirlwind of fear and negativity doesn’t do you much good. One awesome and easy way to help yourself out of those funks is to use gratitude practice.

Gratitude practice helps interrupt and distance us from negative or toxic emotions, and the ruminative thought vortices that often follow those types of emotions. Gratitude strengthens and encourages healthy emotions and thought patterns, making us feel happier, more joyful, more optimistic, and more relaxed. Gratitude practice also helps us feel more connected to other people, leaving us more open, understanding, and compassionate, which helps foster better relationships. Finally gratitude practice helps us feel more at peace, more accepting and trusting of our situations, even strengthening spiritual connections if you are so inclined.

You’ve probably also heard that there is a well of scientific literature on the proven benefits of gratitude practices. In various different situations, gratitude practice has been associated with improved mood, higher levels of energy, self-esteem and self-efficacy, improved sleep, enhanced peace of mind, reduced stress, and even lower markers of chronic inflammation (and you all know that chronic inflammation is a bad actor in heart health, cognitive function, cancer, and much more!). So it isn’t just woowoo, or some kind of witchcraft. Legit science confirms that gratitude practice makes us feel better in so many ways. So wow, why would we NOT practice gratitude?!

There are many ways to practice gratitude. You could just start a gratitude journal, and write daily about anything for which you are grateful. You could even write about it on facebook! You can practice gratitude meditations. You can focus on gratitude during your yoga practice. You can write letters of gratitude to others. Or you can just try to express gratitude more often in day to day life situations.

I’ll share with you a few of the things on my gratitude list for today. I’m grateful for the miracles of modern medicine. Without the chemotherapy, herceptin, and perjeta that I was fortunate enough to receive, who knows if I would even be alive (I am also now grateful to be off of these medicines because the diarrhea sucked big time). Also, without the surgical advances, I might have had much more debilitating effects from bilateral mastectomy and axillary node dissection (20 something nodes removed). Don’t get me wrong, I DO have side effects from my surgery and radiation. It isn’t perfect. It hurts sometimes and my shoulder is a little wonky. But it is WAAAAY better that what women had to deal with years ago. So yes, even though it isn’t perfect, I remain grateful (here is a perfect example of how gratitude practice helps you shift away from the negative thought/emotion, reframing it to a positive one). I’m grateful to so many lovely people who sent prayers and good vibes for my recovery. I’m grateful to family and friends who helped take care of me, both physically and emotionally, through it all.

Finally, I’m grateful to my yoga practice. If you’ve read any of my other blog posts, you know how much I believe yoga helped me recover to where I am today. Yoga taught me resilience, patience, acceptance, gentleness and compassion for myself. Yoga also empowered me, and helped me see that I could get strength and function back, in many ways becoming even stronger than before cancer. Yoga helped me feel more connected to and in tune with my body, including the new changes that came with cancer, as well as others that come as a normal function of aging. And yoga has helped me look within, finding that place of stillness, peace, light, and joy that is always there, despite whatever storms might be going on around me. Yoga is always on my list of things to be grateful for because it truly changed my life.

Oh, and one more thing. I’m grateful that I learned to practice gratitude. 😉 Give it a try. It really does work.

Namaste

Did you know yoga can reduce the joint pain and stiffness related to your breast cancer treatment?

Just a quick post today to let you know about the research that demonstrates that yoga is effective in reducing the joint pain and stiffness commonly caused by the estrogen lowering medications, aromatase inhibitors. As you know, many breast cancers are related to estrogen, and estrogen blocking/lowering medications are proven to significantly reduce the risk of cancer recurrence and death in women who have that type of breast cancer. Unfortunately, like everything, these medications have some side effects. One of the most common is a joint pain and stiffness syndrome which can be very bothersome and even limit your activities. Medication treatments like anti-inflammatories aren’t terribly effective, and some women even stop taking their life-saving cancer treatment because the side effects are so troubling.

Guess what! There are several scientific studies that demonstrate that yoga practice can really help! These studies show yoga practice is safe AND results in a statistically significant improvement in pain, stiffness, functional ability, flexibility, balance, and quality of life! I’ll post links to several of the studies below. And the awesome thing is that yoga practice is simple, non-pharmacologic, accessible to anyone, and can be practiced at your own pace and in the comfort of your own home! Please join us to learn how to safely start your own yoga practice and get all of these benefits. We would love to help you feel better and thrive after breast cancer!

Namaste

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4610866/

https://journals.sagepub.com/…/10.1177/1534735411413270

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10549-015-3351-1

How self-awareness can optimize health and happiness after breast cancer

Eckhart Tolle is my all time favorite author. His simple spiritual messages speak to me so deeply, and relate so beautifully to the wisdom of yoga philosophy. One of the important things that yoga teaches us is to gain more self-awareness. This can take several avenues, including heightened awareness of the body, as we learn to tune in more to the movements of our bodies in asana practice, the flow of breath in asana, pranayama, or meditation, and even the more subtle movement of energy throughout the body in all of our practices and in daily life. Improved body awareness can be so important, especially in cancer survivors, in helping us heal, tolerate and even thrive during our treatments, and then regain strength and endurance when we are ready. It is so common in modern culture to just push our bodies to do whatever we think they should be able to do, without really listening to whether this is working for them or not. For example, waking up and guzzling down some caffeine to get you ready for a long work day, mindlessly consuming something quick while staring at your computer through lunch, followed by some carbs to combat the afternoon energy slump, then forcing yourself to go to the gym after work because it is the “healthy” thing to do, quickly eating dinner in front of some junk tv before collapsing into bed so you can do it again tomorrow, may seem like a “normal” way to conduct your life. But if you really think about it, does it even make sense that this lifestyle is good for your body? And do we ever listen to our bodies’ exhaustion, sluggishness, foggy mind, tension, anxiety, or chronic health conditions and wonder if our bodies are trying to tell us something? Yoga helps us to be more aware, to listen to our bodies and to be able to tune in to what they really need and what makes them feel best and operate most efficiently, both while we are dealing with cancer and beyond.

This increased awareness that yoga teaches us also relates to our ability to tune in to our own thoughts and emotions, improving our ability to observe them without being mindlessly swept away in the ever-changing currents. When we learn to observe ourselves more mindfully, we are then able to really feel how these different thought patterns and habits affect us. For example, when you get swept away in anger at someone who treats you badly, how does that make you feel? Tense, pained, hot, gasping for breath, or exhausted? On the other hand, how do you feel when you are generous and compassionate with someone, or you lend a hand and really help another? Calm, tranquil, open-hearted, and joyful? Perhaps your responses are different than these, but you get the idea that if we are mindful and learn to truly pay attention to what is going on in our bodies and our minds, then we can recognize when things are not optimal and we can choose if we want to make any changes to help ourselves.

So this is what Eckhart is getting at when he says “Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what goes on outside. When you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place”. Whereas if we are not mindful, and we are always focused outside of ourselves (on our deadlines, our goals, the stack of work on our desks, comparing ourselves to others, getting that last chemo, or getting that 10,000 steps) it is easy to lose sight of ourselves and what we really need to be doing to stay healthy in body and mind. But if we learn to pay close attention to everything we do and how it makes us feel, then we can choose to prioritize the activities and thought patterns that make us feel our best. In this way we have the power to make our lives healthier, happier, and more joyful.

For example, how would a 20 minute walk around the block feel instead of working through lunch? If you feel a little more energy and clarity of mind, then stick with that habit. If it just stresses you out more because you lost 20 minutes you could have been working, then that option isn’t for you.

How would you feel if you took a couple of deep breaths and just ignored the insult from the snarky relative or rude coworker, rather than allowing yourself to perseverate on all of the reasons why they are wrong (even if it is true), recognizing that this just causes you undue stress and tension?

How do on-line support groups make you feel? Inspired and motivated, learning new ideas from others? Or does it just make you feel bad and judge yourself if you didn’t exercise or eat as healthy as they did?

How do you feel when you take some time to relax and read a book? Or take a bubble bath? Or go to that yoga class you like? Or take a walk in the park? How do you feel when you work all weekend? Or when you have coffee for lunch? Or when you agree to do something you didn’t want to do or didn’t have time to do? How do you feel when you snap at a loved one out of frustration and tiredness? How do you feel when you think about how frustrating cancer treatment is or when you let yourself get caught in fear of recurrence? How do you feel when you focus on the things in your life for which you are grateful?

Just begin to notice how every little moment in your day feels to you. And try not to think about how you think it should make you feel, or what everyone else thinks about it. How does it really make YOU feel. And then you can work from there. Maybe no major changes are needed. But maybe just the smallest adjustment to your schedule or your habits, thought patterns, and interactions might make a huge difference in how you experience your days. And the icing on the cake is that this growing sense of awareness, of mindfulness, in and of itself, will make you feel better as well.

It’s your life. So pay attention to what is going on inside you and do what you can to make it a good one.

Namaste

Finding equanimity even in the face of cancer’s struggles

This is one of my all time favorite quotes, and I don’t even know who said it. I saw it first on a refrigerator magnet many years ago, long before cancer and before I was even interested in yoga philosophy. It touched me then, and it resonates with me even more deeply now. “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart”.

I mean, it’s easy to be peaceful and calm when everything is going great, when life is just flowing along perfectly, and it feels like the universe is conspiring in your favor, right? It’s when things get tricky or difficult and we face serious obstacles that we test our inner peace and equanimity. Equanimity is defined as mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. It is related to resilience, and in my opinion, is one of the most important qualities we can cultivate in ourselves if we want to be truly happy. Because let’s face it, life isn’t always easy, and things aren’t always simple and perfect, no matter how hard we work, how honest and good-hearted we are, nor how hard we try to always do the right things. Life is messy, and complicated, and challenges are just a part of it (perhaps the most important part in helping us learn, grow, and develop as humans, but that is a topic for another post).

So if we can learn to develop equanimity, resilience, and inner peace, we can traverse those difficult times and challenges without so much suffering. Because of course we suffer when we get so angry, when we lash out at others, when we blame others, when we wallow in self-pity, when we get stuck in vicious cycles of negativity, sadness, despair, and maladaptive coping strategies. This is not to say that anger and frustration and sadness aren’t normal emotions and appropriate responses to many of life’s challenges. They totally are. But developing equanimity and resilience means that we can notice those emotions when they come, recognize them for what they are, and then stop them from hijacking our bodies and minds, and instead choose another response that makes us feel better. We can learn tricks and tools, like mindfulness practices, breathing practices, listening to some beautiful music, getting out in nature, or creating some art or poetry, to help us.

As you know if you are a cancer survivor or have watched a loved one battle cancer, having cancer can be one of the most trying and frightening experiences of our lives. Our lives are literally threatened, we undergo complicated surgeries that can leave long-lasting pain and scarring, we receive treatments that make us feel like we are actually dying, we worry about our loved ones and how we’ll be able to continue to function in our normal lives, and on and on. You know the challenges. So for us, it is more important than ever to learn to be equanimous, to be resilient, to be able to remain calm in our hearts despite everything going on around us. And doing so helps us to be able to see and feel the joy, the beauty, the richness, and the love that are still there in every moment of our lives, rather than allowing all of that goodness to be covered over by our difficulties. Don’t miss out on that goodness. It is there. Just look around.

Yoga asana practice and yoga philosophy have been so important in helping me develop these qualitites. From teaching me better awareness of my body and mind, to training the nervous system to not fly off the handle under physical strain, and empowering me to instead choose to breathe calmly and activate the relaxation response, this practice trains us to be masters in equanimity and resilience. And in so doing, yoga has taught me to be truly at peace, even in the midst of noise, trouble, or hard work. I am forever grateful to yoga for that.

Join me in practice if you want to learn more.

Namaste

The miracle of letting go of things, thoughts, or habits that are not serving us

I trust everyone had a lovely holiday, full of peace, joy, family, and friends. Since we finished our blog series on the 8 limbs of yoga, I can now go back to blogging about whatever is on my mind. Are you excited? LOL. I’ve been thinking this week about the coming New Year, and the fact that 2020 is finally coming to a close. Before we can really begin to set intentions and plan for 2021, I think it is helpful to spend a little time thinking about anything that we would like to leave behind in 2020.

Obvious things that come to mind right away include covid19, political ugliness, social unrest, and travel restrictions. I’d love it if we could leave these unpleasantries right along with 2020. But of course, as we all know, we don’t have much control over things that go on around us (aside from doing our part to maintain healthy conditions and vote). What we CAN do is work on how we respond to these things that are happening around us. Unfortunately the stress and trauma of 2020 may have led some of us to display some of our less healthy habits and thought patterns. This might include things like anger and judgement toward those with different beliefs than ours. Maybe we’ve been judging and criticizing ourselves for not reading 100 books or learning some new skill, like some of our friends did. Maybe we’ve allowed fear to dominate our minds and create divisiveness, loneliness, sadness, or despondency. Maybe we’ve been living in the past, longing for old times and therefore missing any of the great things that are going on right here in the present. Maybe we’ve become sluggish and lost motivation for some of our healthier habits like exercise or healthy eating. Maybe we’ve just been more irritable with those closest to us because we are frustrated with the limitations on our freedoms and activities. For us cancer survivors, maybe we’ve had even more fear than normal, with worries about getting sick at the office, not being able to get treatment in a timely manner, or not being able to get the follow up we need. Or we have felt especially isolated with support groups and exercise classes being cancelled or going on line, leaving us yearning for human connection. All of these are completely understandable responses to the crazy year that we have all just been through. So first, let’s just extend ourselves a little compassion and understanding.

However, we can then exercise some introspection, and we can see how some of these responses create more suffering than is necessary, and how we might be able to relieve some of that suffering within ourselves if we can just learn to let go of those unhealthy patterns and responses, replacing them with more loving kindness. So I invite you to think about some of the challenges of this past year. Consider how you responded to those challenges, and whether you could flip that narrative at all. Instead of “I hate being stuck at home”, we might let go of that urge to get out and think “Wow, what an opportunity for cultivating stillness and remembering how much I enjoy the simple comforts at home”. Or instead of “My husband is driving me crazy being cooped up in this house all the time”, we let go of our irritability and judgement and think “wow, what a blessing to get to spend more time together with this person who I love dearly, and who, while they may have different ways of doing things than I do, is really working hard to do the best he can for our family”. Instead of “I feel so isolated and afraid, and I don’t think I can get through cancer like this”, we could realize “This crazy year made it possible for us to more easily connect to people all over the world who are going through the same thing, and I can text or video chat with them anytime to get a much broader scope of support and advice”. Instead of “Damn, I can’t believe all the stress eating I’ve been doing, and how awful I look with this 15 extra pounds”, we drop the self-judgement and think “It has been a really stressful year, and this was the way I tried to cope and soothe myself, but I know I’m not alone in that, and together with my friends, I’m going to make a list of healthier habits to cultivate next year”. Finally, instead of “I can’t believe how stupid those people are who voted for XYZ, don’t they see how awful their choice is”, we drop the judgement and try a little empathy, with “I don’t understand their perspective, but I’m sure they are doing what they think is best, for whatever reason, and I respect that, and hope for the best for all of us”.

As Jack Kornfield says, “Letting go is the path to freedom”. Holding on to our anger, our judgements, our strong feelings about how things should be, or our preferences and aversions, keeps us trapped in the same old cycles of thoughts, behaviors, and habits. If you had an awesome year and felt fabulous and joyful through it all, maybe you already have it all right and you have nothing that you need to change. But I think most of us felt stuck, frustrated, fearful, angry, or irritated, at least a few times this year. If we want to be free, free to quiet our minds, free to open our hearts, free to live a life of joy and peace, then we must practice letting go of anything that is getting in our way. Take this final day or two of 2020 to reflect on the year, and then consider what may be getting in the way of where you’d like to take yourself in 2021. Be patient with yourself, as it may take some practice, but try letting go of any of those things and see if you feel a little freedom and lightness emerging.

Happy New Year and Namaste

Enlightenment is not as far away as you might think

Today we’ll discuss the final, or 8th limb, of Patanjali’s 8 Limbs of Yoga, Samadhi! What a journey we’ve been on. And thank you for sticking with it! Again, as a recap, we’ve looked at the yamas and niyamas, as guidelines for healthy thought patterns, habits, and behaviors, relating both to how we interact with the world around us and with ourselves. We then traveled through the physical practice of asana, which gets our bodies in good health, trains our bodies and minds to be resilient and adaptable, and reinforces many of the things that we learned in the yamas and niyamas. We then explored pranayama, or breath control practices, which also heal and then maintain the health of the body, trigger the relaxation response, and give us tools to calm ourselves easily when we are challenged. Pratyahara helps us begin to be able to focus our awareness inward, rather than on the people and things going on around us. Dharana trains us to focus and concentrate, giving us the ability to shift our awareness to the object of our choice (and we can choose healthier objects of focus rather than those old dysfunctional things we might have focused on before). And in Dhyana, the effort to focus and meditate falls away, and instead we ease into meditative awareness as a state of being. This brings us to the 8th limb, samadhi.

Like many things in yoga philosophy, samadhi can be variably explained. It is often described as meaning “bliss” or “enlightenment”. But these words themselves can carry different meanings, from one person to the next. So I love this quote from Eckhart Tolle, “The word enlightenment conjures up the idea of some superhuman accomplishment, but it is simply your natural state of felt oneness with Being”. Eckhart commonly uses the word “Being”, with a capital B, referring to an alert state of presence, of complete immersion in the present moment, where we are free of thought and the burdens of the thinking mind, emotions, and judgements, where we are at one with the very power of life itself. He describes this state of Being as our true essence, our true nature, which is always there, but is just often buried by a thousand thoughts and our obsession with the past or the future. But when we are able to go deeper than (or transcend, however you like to look at it) this distracting activity of our minds, we can truly realize this underlying state of alert presence, of divine consciousness, of Being. And this feels peaceful, blissful, relaxed, and free.

Another quote that I love on the topic is from Thich Nhat Hanh, who says “Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not”, meaning a letting go of all of the things that are not a part of our true selves and our deeper essence, allowing us to drop everything that clouds us from full self-realization. There are so many things that we think of as part of us: our careers, our experiences, our families, our beliefs, and our traumas. But those things do not truly define us in this deeper sense. I may be a doctor, or a yoga teacher, a daughter, a wife, an American, or a cancer survivor, and those are important parts of my lived experience. But do those things really define me?! As cancer survivors, this is one that we really struggle with sometimes, because we can allow this particular experience to really take over our consciousness and our lives if we aren’t careful. Of course it is an important, life-changing, and extremely challenging part of our experience, and it may affect us deeply and teach us things that no other experience can. However, underneath all of that, lies our true essence, our Being. And getting in tune with this place is what samadhi is about.

Importantly, samadhi isn’t a concrete finish line, like once you reach it you are done and there in a blissful paradise forever. This is something that we must continue our practice for, because it is easy to fall back into old patterns of destructive thinking, maladaptive habits, and routines that can again obscure our connection with ourselves. The thinking mind, with all of its regrets for the past or worries about the future, is sneaky, and without ongoing practice, can knock us off of our path to enlightenment, or bliss, or true self-realization. We continue to practice the 8 Limbs of Yoga to stay on the path.

Just as importantly, we must remember that getting in tune with samadhi does not mean there will be no more challenges in life, nor that every single moment will be perfect and without suffering. Samadhi means that we are in touch with a place where we are able to traverse life’s ups and downs without attaching or averting, without the judgements of our minds and our likes and dislikes, maintaining a state of equanimity from which we can remain blissful regardless of our surroundings.

It is easy to see how the 8 Limbs of yoga, and glimpses of samadhi, might be of particular use to us as cancer survivors. As I’ve discussed in other posts, cancer imposes many challenges that make normal life and everyday experiences a little more difficult. Cancer adds just another layer of clouds that can cast an obscuring shadow over our blissful Being. But with a little practice, we can uncover our true selves and see them shine with clarity again.

The most important thing to remember about samadhi, or bliss, or enlightenment, or self-realization, or whatever you want to call it, is that is isn’t as far away as you might think. You don’t have to run off to the Himalayas or to a year long meditation retreat. It is truly right here, in our everyday lives, if we can just learn to tune in to it. And it doesn’t have to be super complicated, or fancy, or sophisticated. Probably fireworks will not go off, nor will you see light emerging from the crown of your head. But if you notice that you are having more and more moments when you feel truly present, peaceful, at ease, blissfully and richly experiencing the simplest joys in your day, if you navigate a stressor with more grace, you know you are having success on the path, and you are in tune with your true self. Just keep practicing, and you will feel it.

Namaste

A serene encounter with reality has to be good

Continuing along in our discovery of Patanjali’s 8 limbs of yoga, this week we will take a look at the 7th limb, dhyana, sometimes described simply as “meditation”. But, for me, it requires a little more description to get the full flavor of what dhyana truly means. It is not just “meditation”, as in “I’m sitting on my cushion and doing my meditation”, but perhaps better explained as meditative absorption, or a state of alert awareness in which we are no longer “trying” to meditate or “doing” meditation, but rather we ease into meditative awareness as a state of being. We are no longer actively trying to focus and concentrate (as in the 6th limb, dharana), and no longer actively thinking about or judging the focus of our concentration. Instead, we relax into a state of keen awareness and stillness (inner stillness even though we might be physically moving), in which that state of doing transforms into our state of being and profound clarity arises. Some describe this as being “in the flow” or “in the zone”, as a condition in which we feel a free flow of our energy and awareness, unencumbered by the thinking mind, generally imbued with some sense of peace or joy.

You all know how I love quotes and I couldn’t choose just one today. A few of my favorite quotes about meditation include Thich Nhat Hanh’s “In mindfulness, one is not only restful and happy, but alert and awake. Meditation is not evasion: it is a serene encounter with reality”, Deepak Chopra’s “Meditation is not a way of making your mind quiet. It is a way of entering into the quiet that is already there – buried under the 50,000 thoughts the average person thinks every day”, and Osho’s “Meditation is a surrender, it is not a demand. It is not forcing existence your way. It is relaxing into the way existence wants you to be. It is a let-go”. Each of these quotes so eloquently describes what is really happening in meditation, or dhyana.

Importantly, you don’t have to sit in a certain position or on a special cushion to enter into dhyana and get the benefits of meditation. This state can be entered into in the midst of our other daily activities. My favorite style of meditation is actually the moving meditation that I can sometimes achieve during my yoga asana practice. I say sometimes because I’m not always able to transcend my pesky thoughts and reach that place, but when I can, the yoga practice carries with it even more magic than ever. Sitting meditation is the style most people associate with the term meditation, but there are many options, including walking meditation, any number of mindfulness practices, mantra meditation, loving kindness or metta meditation, and many others. Moreover, many people are able to reach a state of dhyana, or meditative absorption, while doing other activities like painting, singing, gardening, hiking, playing with children, or whatever gets you out of your head and into the flow. So open your mind and explore the idea of dhyana and what methods might work for you. If you are a runner or a swimmer and you know that those activities are what get you into that flow state, then keep doing those! If sitting meditation or yoga work best for you, keep doing those! But remember not to try to force anything to happen. Then you’ll just be getting in your own way. Just keep practicing, and it will come.

Why should we do these practices? Most are familiar with some of the benefits of meditation, including things like stress relief, improved mood, reduced fatigue, improved concentration and efficiency. But there are other fascinating benefits including improved blood pressure, pain control, reduced signs of aging and memory loss, improved immune function, reduced inflammation, and improved self-awareness. Many of these benefits have been studied and documented in cancer survivors as well as the general population. It is easy to see how cancer survivors would benefit especially, and ASCO (American Society of Clinical Oncology) now recommend meditation for cancer survivors based on the proven benefits! But just as TNH says above, meditation is not evasion. We don’t use it to escape from our life or our problems, but instead to allow ourselves to experience our current situation with clarity, serenity, equanimity, and freedom from the judgements of the thinking mind and the emotions that accompany them. Ahhhhhhh, how refreshing! And this simple practice doesn’t require expensive or complicated equipment; just you, your awareness, and some time and effort!

So give it a try! Many cancer centers now offer meditation classes. You can also learn on line, or read a book ( https://yogawithleona.com/2020/07/10/book-review-time-again/). But as with everything in yoga, be patient and compassionate with yourself. This is a practice, with no right or wrong way, and no winners and losers.

Namaste

The mind is a beautiful servant, but a dangerous master

Osho had it right on this topic. The mind, indeed, is a beautiful servant, but a dangerous master. This brings us back to our journey through the 8 limbs of yoga, today arriving at the 6th limb, dharana, or focused concentration. By way of a quick review, we’ve been through the 1st limb, the yamas, or the external observances or guidelines for how we interact with the world around us. The 2nd limb is the niyamas, or internal observances, guidelines for how we interact with and conduct ourselves. The 3rd limb is asana, or physical practices, the 4th is pranayama, or breathing practices, and the 5th is pratyahara, or withdrawal of focus from the external to the internal.

So now, in the 6th limb, or dharana, we learn to focus our awareness on one point, which can be our breath, a mantra, or any item of our choice. We learn to consciously direct our awareness to this single point, and then maintain it there for some period of time. As you know, this is not easy. Most of us are all too familiar with the monkey mind, or a mind that rapidly darts from one thought to the next, seemingly without any reason. In yoga these disturbances of consciousness are often referred to as the vrittis, or the fluctuations of the mind. One minute I’m thinking about my grocery list, and then all of a sudden I’m rehashing some grievance from 10 years, ago, and the next minute thinking about what I’m doing this week, maybe a doctor’s appointment, and then maybe back to the grocery list, or maybe onto something like the meaning of life or what is there beyond our universe. Our minds are naturally busy, and this is what they do if we don’t learn to direct them a little better. And this is where that “dangerous master” idea comes in. If we do not learn to direct our thought patterns in a way that is good for us and supports us on our chosen path (whether that is just happiness, or growth, self-realization, or enlightenment), this monkey mind can easily turn into a vicious cycle of negative thoughts which stir up negative emotions and then result in us behaving in ways that aren’t our best. For example, we’re all familiar with that rabbit hole of fear and negativity that we sometimes find ourselves in when we have some routine cancer follow up scheduled. I have bloodwork and a PET scan coming up, and I know from experience that one way I could allow my mind to go is this: what if the labs show my tumor marker is up, and the PET scan shows a recurrence, because I do have that weird pain sometimes, maybe that is a bone metastasis, if I have a recurrence can I really tolerate more treatment, shit I don’t know how I’ll tell my family, maybe it’d be better if I just didn’t treat it, I’ll just run away so nobody has to see me die…. and OMG, where did all of that come from?! Nothing is even wrong. I feel great, and that funny pain I mentioned is obviously just a soreness related to my exercise regimen, and I know that if I just think clearly and rationally. There is NO reason for me to be thinking any of this bad stuff. But our minds can be tricky, and get us into some really ugly places if we allow them to. I’ve mentioned before this phenomenon called negativity bias, where it is our brain’s natural tendency to focus on negative things, because evolutionarily that protected us from threats. But for most of us, we don’t really need that to be our predominant state. Obviously our minds are not a bad thing, and we need them to help us function in the world, but we must not let them become our master. We must learn to allow them to function as the beautiful servants that they are, without them taking over and wrecking our peace. We must train them to bring us back from these negative spirals, and instead remind us of all the good going on inside of us and around us.

Sooooooo, dharana, or one-pointed focused concentration, is training us to bring our awareness to one object, and to then maintain it there. Naturally, our minds will wander, and this is where the practice comes in. We just patiently practice, over and over again, gently bringing our awareness back to that point. And eventually, over time, we are able to stay focused, our minds learn to wander less, we are less fidgety, and more relaxed. Those fluctuations of the mind begin to settle, like the waves on a stormy sea settling down, until the mind becomes a vast body of tranquility and peace. Of course, those stormy seas with come again from time to time, but if we practice dharana, we will be able to calm them easily and return to our natural place of bliss and serenity.

So how do we do it? Well yoga asana is a great place to begin, as it takes much focus and concentration to be able to hold our bodies in certain positions for the prescribed time during our practice. Simple meditation practices, such as focusing on the sensations of the breath, or counting the breaths back from 10 are also great places to start. Just know that your mind will wander at first, and don’t get frustrated. Just as if you were training a frisky puppy, gently and lovingly redirect your awareness back to your point of focus each time it wanders. There are innumerable other meditation practices you can try as well, from candle gazing to mantra recitation, mindfulness practices, and more. There are even a number of phone apps these days that can get you started in your practice.

Yoga and all of the yogic practices are so good for us, in training our minds to work for us, not against us. Keep practicing friends. And I will too, so I can get through this upcoming testing without a meltdown. 😉

Namaste