Tag: mindfulness

Train yourself to relax instead of to grip, and release stored tension to uncover your inner balance

BKS Iyengar was a brilliant and eloquent yogi and teacher, and his wisdom is widely applicable, not only on our yoga mats, but in so many areas of life. I’ve been chewing on this wisdom in the context of my yoga practice, trying to really tune in and notice when I feel my body gripping unnecessarily, which not only prevents deeper stretch, but also interferes with finding that balance between effort and ease that helps us get the most out of our practice. Our bodies tend to grip when they are afraid, uncomfortable, or stressed. I don’t hold it against my body. I mean, honestly, I realize it is just trying to protect me. By tensing the muscles the body is bracing itself for some threat that it believes might be coming. But while our bodies do carry deep inner wisdom, they also sometimes get shit wrong. They tense up in response to an irrational fear when in fact there is no threat, in response to some other underlying emotional situation, in response to anything new or unknown, or simply due to habit built from some past experience. And sometimes they get stuck in that pattern of tension for long periods of time. So on the yoga mat, for example, I tend to grip most in backbends. I think this is pretty common, because backbending feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable for most of us who weren’t acrobats in early life. Backbending can also feel scary for those of us who have had any sort of back pain or injury, OR because backbending exposes our soft and vulnerable front body, which evolutionarily was a risky thing to do if any predator or foe might be nearby and ready to attack.

Fortunately, our brains have the ability to override such unnecessary tension and gripping, and to choose a different way to be. This is the brave and conscious choice that Iyengar mentions. We can choose to relax, instead of to grip. But first, we have to notice that we are gripping. This is where mindfulness is such an important element of our yoga practice. The awareness to notice what is going on in our bodies, to feel that tension, and to recognize that it isn’t normal or necessary, sets the stage for transformation. Once we are aware, we can choose to relax, rather than to grip. And then a whole new world opens up, and our entire physiology can shift toward a healthier way of being. On our mat, this can mean accessing much more depth and stretch as well as tuning in more deeply to that place of balance that brings our nervous system into a place of deep relaxation and healing.

As with most things we practice on our mat, this idea of relaxing rather than gripping is just as relevant, or maybe even more so, off the mat. Do you ever notice that you are randomly holding a bunch of tension in your shoulders, neck, or jaw? I do. All. the. time! And I think, geez, I wonder how long that has been going on. I think a lot of us walk around like this much of the time. And we wonder why we have chronic pain and tension headaches ;). Walking around with this sort of tension in the body is so bad for us in so many ways. Not only does it create that physical discomfort in the area of the tension, which can turn into serious chronic pain and disability, but it can also have many more long term effects. It can result in declining posture, loss of range of motion and function in those areas of the body, as well as chronic fatigue. It can create inflammation and even damage the involved joints, such as the neck, shoulders, or jaw (think TMJ, frozen shoulder, etc). Chronic tension in the body can also set off a vicious cycle of systemic tension, stress, and irritability in the mind, which of course impacts all of our relationships and our overall sense of well-being. Why would we allow this to happen?!

Just as on our mat, mindfulness practices can help us be more aware of our bodies when we are out in the world, allowing us to connect deeply so that we notice much earlier on when this sort of tension begins to arise in the body. And then, under the light of awareness, we can begin to transform our experience. Each time we begin to feel tension rising in the body, we can stop and take a few calming breaths and consciously relax that area of the body. We can begin to bring some insight into the situation, and notice if there are any common precipitating factors or maybe people 😉 that seem to always result in this rising tension in our bodies. And then we can choose to change the situation. Maybe we stop watching the news (or whatever else really triggers your tension), we give ourselves 15 minutes at lunch to get out of the office and go for a mindful walk and some fresh air, or we choose to listen to relaxing music while we drive or do annoying paperwork, or maybe we take time for meditation or a hot bath at the end of a long and stressful day/week. Once we become aware of the things that create the most tension in our lives, we can find ways to create a more peaceful experience for ourselves. And for those stressful parts of our lives that we cannot eliminate or change, at least we can be aware, do our best to breathe through them, and then create recovery and re-centering practices to bring ourselves back to balance as soon as possible when we know we are going to have to be exposed to these stressors. And in this way, off our mat, choosing to relax instead of to grip, can result in us feeling less irritable and reactive, or in us feeling more understanding and gentle. We might find ourselves approaching new challenges with a more open and curious mind, feeling more energy and interest in engaging with the people and the world around us. We might feel physically more at ease, more confident and aligned with ourselves. We might sleep better and feel more like doing activities we know are good for us. And you can just imagine how deeply all of these things would impact our day to day experience.

So make that conscious and brave choice. Start to notice if you carry around the weight of the world, or even just a little bit of unnecessary tension in your body. Give yourself the opportunity to explore that, to understand it, and to recognize all of the ways that you might feel better if you learn to release it. And then just keep practicing. Discover what practices help you to release that tension and find relaxation in your body and mind. And then really commit to prioritizing those practices. And poco a poco you will feel loads better. Your well-being is worth the time and effort!

Namaste

Cultivate adaptability through yoga and navigate change more easily

Yoga helps us cultivate adaptability so we can navigate change with more ease and less suffering

How do you handle change? As cancer survivors, we’ve sure had to traverse a lot of change, and much of it is not the good-change variety. Obviously some changes are easier to stomach than others. Changes like getting a new job, a best friend moving away, going through menopause, or kids growing up and leaving the house, can be challenging for sure. But changes like loss of a loved one, permanent side effects from cancer treatment, or a diagnosis of incurable disease, are quite different beasts. But one way or another, we ALL face some such changes every day, from the small ones to the really big, seemingly insurmountable ones, and everything in between. As Buddha says, change is unavoidable. So we might as well figure out how to maneuver through it.

But let’s face it, change is hard. Change, almost by definition, pushes us out of our comfort zone. Change can make us feel unstable, out of control, helpless, and afraid. And this fear of the unknown, this clinging to the familiar, and this need for things to stay a certain way, can really be overwhelming and wreck our sense of well-being and our happiness. They can create persistent tension in the body that is not only painful, but unhealthy. And they can prevent us from finding the joy and love that is still all around us, even in the midst of some of the most difficult change. Unless… we don’t let them.

One of the many things I love about yoga is how it teaches us to be adaptable, to calmly BE in a constantly changing environment, to accept each new moment with openness and curiosity, and to trust ourselves to be able to manage it (and if we can’t manage it, we can always sit down and take a break!). This is especially true in vinyasa or flow style practices, in which the sequence of poses is completely different every day, so we have no idea what to expect when we arrive to our mat. This trains us to arrive to each moment without specific expectations or desires, getting out of that habit of needing things to BE a certain way for us to feel good or to enjoy the moment. Of course we all have our favorite pose, favorite teacher, or favorite style. Not to mention our least favorites 😉 But we still come to practice, not knowing whether our favorite will be featured that day. And every time we get on our mat, we teach ourselves to more easily move through this constantly changing environment with ease, to pivot and adjust our footing when needed, to re-connect to our breath and our balance moment to moment, and to calmly and openly accept each next pose as it comes.

In addition to the physical practice of yoga asana simply exposing us to changing postures and sequences each day to cultivate adaptability, yoga philosophy and mindfulness also teach us adaptability through the yamas/niyamas and the mindful attitudes (which overlap in huge ways). For example aparigraha, or non-attachment, teaches us to let go of our attachment to things, to things being a certain way today, or to things unfolding in a certain way in the future. In this way non-attachment helps us find freedom and joy in each moment, regardless of whether it contains all of the specific elements we would have preferred. Similarly, the mindful attitude of letting go helps us navigate change by training us to let go of our tendency to want to control everything in our lives (which of course we can’t do even if we wanted to). Letting go reminds us of how much unnecessary struggle, tension, and suffering come from that tendency to try to exert control on our ever-changing world. Letting go can create a tremendous sense of ease and relaxation, once we learn to release all of that struggle and just address each moment as it presents itself. And finally, cultivating the mindful attitude of trust helps us find comfort in trusting our own ability to navigate whatever challenges arise, OR in trusting in a higher power or divine presence IF you are so inclined.

In all of these ways, yoga and yoga philosophy can have a profound effect on our ability to move through this ever-changing world with more adaptability and more ease. And by doing so, we connect with our happiness and our freedom.

Keep practicing!

Namaste

The power in choosing how we relate to life

Tara Brach is a brilliant psychologist and teacher of meditation and mindfulness, and I love this quote, especially for us cancer survivors. “There are some things we can’t choose, but in being present, we can choose how we want to relate to them”.

Similarly, a number of meditation teachers say that meditation isn’t about trying to control our mind, but about learning how to not let it control us. Or that meditation isn’t about stopping the thoughts, but about transforming the way we relate to them.

And to me, this is a real superpower. THIS is one of the greatest gifts of mindfulness. This ability to choose. Because let’s face it. Shit happens sometimes. And sometimes the challenges are really truly awful. And we cannot always change that. But what we can do is choose how we will relate to whatever it is that is happening. We can choose not to allow ourselves to be crushed or swept away by the ever-changing torrent of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that accompany these various life changes and challenges. We can recognize the difficulty of the situation, and understand why we might initially react in certain ways, with those emotions or thoughts. But if we can remain present, aware, and clear as we experience all of this, THEN we can choose. We can decide if that particular emotion or thought pattern is helpful to us in navigating this moment. Maybe we need to just sit with it a while. Maybe we need to get up and move our bodies a bit. Maybe we need to call a friend, seek out a hug, or listen to some soothing music. But we can choose how to best make our way through.

Similarly, we can cultivate this superpower on our yoga mats. We can’t always choose what postures our beloved 😉 teacher will have lined up for us each day. Inevitably there are a few that we don’t love (can you say chair pose and boat pose? Lol). However, yoga practice teaches us that that these poses don’t last forever, that we can choose to stay with our breath and stick with it, OR we can always sit down and take a break! The choice is ours, and only we know what choice is most nourishing and helpful for us each day.

Both yoga and mindfulness (and any mind-body practice really) are incredibly valuable tools that empower us to choose for ourselves, to have some agency over our day to day experience. While we can’t choose exactly what happens, we can definitely choose how we want to relate to it. Cancer diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship bring some of the most overwhelming challenges one can imagine. And in some of those moments, it can really feel like we are completely helpless, like life is dragging us along at 100 mph by our hair (or our scalp I suppose depending on where we are in treatment). Next time you feel like you might get swept away in one of those moments, I invite you to first just notice it. And then, after a few calming, centering breaths, make your choice.

Keep practicing! Namaste.

Finding harmony in cancer recovery

Yoga is the practice of bringing the body, mind, and spirit into harmony.

I saw this quote attributed to Thich Nhat Hanh in one place on the internet, but I’m not certain that he said it, as I was not able to find it so referenced in other sources, and I usually think of him as talking much more about mindfulness, meditation, and loving kindness – not so much about yoga. In any case, I love the expression, whoever said it. And I love Thich Nhat Hanh for all of his gentle wisdom.

I use the word balance a lot, and of course in yoga this is sometimes referring to physically balancing on one leg, or balancing the body in some certain position in space… but I’m also usually alluding to a deeper balance within the systems of the body -particularly the nervous system, or to the balance between effort and ease, or to balance, or equanimity, in the mind. But this quote got me thinking about the word harmony as a related, though not identical, concept. To me, the word harmony suggests a coming together, or combining of things into a balanced unit, so it is a bit like balance… but harmony also carries additional qualities. That the parts that are coming together, or coming into balance, integrate synergistically, AND that the combined result has a pleasing quality to it. So it’s kinda like balance, but even better!

Some yoga poses, including the one in the image (sometimes called humble flamingo), require a lot of balance, or harmony, in the body and mind. Some muscles engage intensely, while others must relax and stretch. There might be an unusual shifting of body weight that requires a leap of faith in the body and mind, trusting that our bodies can hold us and our heavy backside won’t come crashing down. And often we must regulate our breathing to help the body and mind maintain this complex dance between strength and grace. So yoga is the perfect practice for training us to find that harmony, in which multiple moving parts collaborate to create something truly special. We navigate the sometimes uncomfortable edges, while staying anchored in to our calm breath, and we find that beautiful place where all of the parts unite to create a result that feels so pleasing to body and mind. And I want to emphasize that this harmony is irrespective of what the pose looks like to someone else. What matters is what it feels like to you. That it feels pleasing and harmonious, like the embodiment of the sound of the Eagles singing Peaceful Easy Feeling.

Maybe I’m drawn to these concepts because during the hardest parts of my cancer treatment, I longed so much for a peaceful easy feeling, for harmony in my body, mind, and spirit. While I felt instead like some kind of bombed out war-zone in an alternate universe. And I have heard many other cancer survivors describe a similar feeling – sortof the opposite of harmony. Feeling disconnected, dazed, scattered, frazzled, out of alignment, and out of control. And I think there are a lot of reasons for this – cancer diagnosis and treatment are true shocks to our system, throwing us into a literal fight or flight situation, hormones and other chemicals in the body go haywire, fear and stress hijack our mental clarity and our other normal body processes, our minds try to block out the pain or betrayal we feel toward our bodies, so much is unknown, and we truly question our vitality and our whole existence. In other words, so many of our systems are not functioning optimally, so it’s nearly impossible for them to work together in harmony.

Fortunately, it isn’t usually quite that challenging forever, and we can often begin to find some footing once we know what our treatment will look like, in general what to expect, and for how long. Of course, even then there are often curveballs and new obstacles along the way that can throw us out of balance once again. But with the help of practices like mindfulness and yoga, I believe it is so much easier to truly thrive. To be able to more easily find that balance, to bring the body, mind, and spirit into harmony. EVEN in the midst of the ever-changing cancer journey. And this is because these practices train our bodies to function harmoniously deep within. They train our nervous system to more quickly regain balance after a stressor. And this creates fertile ground for all of the other body systems to come back into harmony. Once our bodies, minds, and spirits come back into this place of harmony, not only do we FEEL better, but all of our systems, individually AND collectively, can function better!

So keep practicing! And if you are new to either yoga or mindfulness and you would like some guidance on how to bring these practices in to your own cancer journey, please reach out!

Have a peaceful, easy day!

Namaste

Going within – a simple yet powerful practice for finding presence in cancer recovery

Just another brilliant piece of eloquence from Eckhart Tolle. This quote struck me recently as I’ve been focusing more on mindfulness in my teaching, both in my community yoga classes and in the context of the Mindfulness in Cancer Recovery Program I’m co-facilitating with my friend and colleague Ginny Stasinski.

Several key practices in mindfulness involve using the body or the breath as a point of focused awareness (a doorway if you will), to help us drop into presence, instead of being off in the stratosphere of our swirling thoughts… or as we’ve been calling it, the thought tornado. You know the feeling, right? When you suddenly realize that you’ve been lost in some complicated story or series of worries, thoughts, or judgements that just take on a life of their own and sweep you away from yourself? You really have no idea how long you’ve been off in this daydream (or nightmare as it might be), and how all of this tension came to arise in your body (maybe in your shoulders, your jaw, your low back, or even as knots in your stomach). Sadly many people just exist like this all the time, never even really realizing that it isn’t our natural state of being. Or that it isn’t the healthiest way to walk around.

Those of us with cancer know this thought tornado, or maybe more aptly named – this fear tornado, all too well. It is so common, no matter where you are on the survivor continuum, even if you are many years from your cancer diagnosis. Our minds can fly off into an orbit of fear or other emotions for so many reasons. Sometimes it’s because we develop some new pain or symptom that we fear might be a sign of recurrence. Sometimes someone we know, or even a celebrity, has a recurrence of their cancer or passes away. Sometimes it’s the smell of a hospital environment, an insurance snafu, or any other little experience that reminds us of our cancer or cancer treatment.

But mindfulness can help us stay anchored and balanced, allowing all that mental noise to settle. Once we begin to be able to notice ourselves getting swept away, we can use our mindfulness tools to come back to ourselves, to our peaceful, calm, rational selves, “to that deeper sense of aliveness underneath the fluctuating emotions and underneath the thinking”. And the simple practice of tuning in and feeling the energy of our inner body is a fabulous tool. Whether you like to practice this while sitting in stillness, or you prefer to practice it while in some kind of mindful movement like yoga or walking, it is easy to do and it works wonders. The way Eckhart describes the tuning in, “feel it in your hands, your feet, your abdomen, your chest. Feel the life that you are”, it’s very much like the body scan that we practice in mindfulness (click HERE for a short sample body scan), or in savasana after the active part of a yoga practice. And the simplicity of the practice is part of its magic! Our bodies are always here, so at any time, we can just turn our awareness inward, and focus on that inner energy.

In yoga philosophy, this practice of turning our awareness inward is called pratyahara, and it is one of the 8 limbs of yoga, as described in the original written text by Patanjali. So it is clearly considered an important skill, and is an integral part of the true path of yoga. (If you want to read more about the 8 limbs, I did a series of blogs on all of them between September 2020 and December 2020, which you can find in the blog archive. HERE is the one on pratyahara).

So whether you call it body scan meditation, pratyahara, body awareness, or just going within, this simple practice of shifting our awareness inward can have profound benefits in helping us drop below the fluctuations of our minds, into our true center, where we are present, at ease, free from excessive worry, and most alive.

Keep practicing. Namaste.

Yoga and cancer: 2 unusual companion guides in my life’s learning

I’m so fascinated by the parallels I see all the time between the things I learn on my yoga mat and the things I learn through my cancer journey. There are so many things on this list, but a few that are prominent for me include patience, balance, equanimity, acceptance, and surrender. Both my yoga practice and my cancer experience have taught me deep lessons in these areas, which I think have really made me a happier, more joyful, more easy-going human. I think they’ve greatly helped me to “not sweat the small stuff”, to be more content in the present- whatever it holds, to be more compassionate with myself and others, and to find real joy in the simple pleasures of daily life instead of always striving for some more exciting or more perfect moment, or straining to try to control my environment and bend it to fit into my vision for how things should be. How interesting that two things as different as yoga and cancer could transmit similar types of wisdom and insight!

So this quote really struck me. Of course I totally agree that, as Ganga White says “Yoga is the art of transforming struggle into grace, challenge into growth, and fear into love”, and I love the beauty of this description. But then it occurred to me that this quote might just as easily read “Navigating a cancer journey is the art of transforming struggle into grace, challenge into growth, and fear into love”.

Don’t you think??

Don’t miss our new yoga for breast cancer content on Youtube!

YouTube player

Don’t forget that we are now posting all of our new content on our Youtube channel instead of the YWL video library. So please click HERE to navigate to the youtube channel. And remember to subscribe so you’ll get a notification whenever new content drops!

Above is a link to a new video I recorded today of a short chair assisted practice. This is great if you are just getting started, or if you aren’t feeling super energetic, but want to get a little movement in. We spend part of the practice in a chair, and a few minutes standing but using the chair for support. We also use a strap to help with a few of the shoulder stretches.

Remember, yoga doesn’t have to be super complicated or vigorous. Much of the benefit of this practice comes from just being mindful of our body and our breath. It is a moving meditation! As we move and breathe, our bodies and our breath are amazing tools to help us practice being present, getting out of our heads, observing whatever is happening, and letting go of our tendency to judge the situation (aka ourselves) or wish it were different than it is. This helps us connect to our bodies with love and kindness, letting go of that anger and resentment that many of us feel toward our bodies after cancer diagnosis or treatment. Who wants to hold on to that tension and inner turmoil anyway? Let’s let it go and commit to our healing. I hope this practice helps you take another small step in that direction.

Namaste

Why do we practice mindfulness in cancer recovery?

Ginny and I recently received the below testimonials from participants in our Mindfulness in Cancer Recovery program (formerly referred to by the program’s original name – Mindfulness Based Cancer Recovery, MBCR, but we altered the name slightly because a number of people were confusing MBCR with the metastatic breast cancer abbreviation, MBC).

Ginny and I know this program is amazing and can be life-changing because we both experienced profound benefits ourselves when we learned to incorporate mindfulness into our own lives and our cancer recoveries. But hearing reviews like these quite literally had us both in tears, as we were reminded… again… of the true depth and meaning of these benefits.

THIS is what it is about. It’s not about whether you can meditate for 30 minutes a day, or whether you master tricky yoga postures. It’s about learning to LIVE our lives in mindfulness so that we can feel better, be more present, and enjoy each day we are given. So we can let go of being gripped by fear, being overwhelmed with anxiety and worry, and missing out on all of the beauty that we have in our lives – regardless of what is happening with our cancer. And as this testimonial points out, this program skillfully teaches many different techniques that anyone can incorporate into daily life.

We are beyond grateful to the original developers of Mindfulness Based Cancer Recovery, and to the deep wisdom and power of the program. We are grateful that we have the opportunity to share this program with others so that they can realize all of these tremendous benefits in their own lives. And we are infinitely grateful for each individual who decides to work with us to learn these simple yet transformative practices. And of course to Vickie and Maralin, for sharing so eloquently how the program has impacted their journeys and their lives.

With deep, deep gratitude,

“I had recently been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer when I had the good fortune to be able to enroll in the Mindfulness Based Cancer Recovery course with Leona and Ginny. On the first night of the class, we were asked to identify our goals for taking the class. My goal was to be able to shut my eyes at night and not envision my death bed or funeral.This program quickly allowed me to realize this goal.

By learning strategies and techniques, I was able to understand how cancer treatment often forces us into a position that is the opposite of mindfulness. It is very easy to adopt a mindset of “What if…” and “What’s next…” Life is often put on hold as we wait for the next scan, the next blood test results, the end of radiation or chemotherapy, the results of a biopsy or the recovery from surgery. This program helped me to learn the strategies I needed to live my life every day, to be in the moment and to appreciate the gifts of the present without spending energy on what might be coming in the future.

I am not a person who is ever going to be successful at meditating for 20 minutes every day or going to yoga class 3 times a week. Mindfulness Based Cancer Recovery taught me ways to integrate the benefits of meditation and yoga into my life in a way that works for me. I learned about short guided meditations, walking meditations, sun salutations and simple yoga stretches- all things that can easily be incorporated into my daily activities.

Do I still worry about my future and what it will mean for me and my family when my disease progresses? Of course. But the Mindfulness Based Cancer Recovery program has given me the strategies and techniques I need to live each day with purpose and gratitude.

I highly recommend this course for anyone who has been recently diagnosed, is in treatment or recovering from treatment and/or diagnosis. Leona and Ginny were literally life savers for me- they were critical to my ability to process my diagnosis and move forward positively. I know, without doubt, that others will benefit as well”.
V. Y.C.

“After my cancer diagnosis I was completely lost with no direction and no idea where/what to do. This feeling did not disappear when I went into remission, instead, it amplified. So many things had changed on every level (mental, physical, emotional) that I was floundering on how to regain control.

 MBCR was a true game changer, helping me to find solid footing while at the same time finding myself. Through a series of discussions, activities and brainstorming, each week built upon the week before to open a new way to experience, appreciate and accept the post cancer me. It has helped take away the feeling of helplessness and fear of recurrence, I have gained strength in the wisdom that I am far stronger then I ever imagined and am ready to face the future, whatever it may hold.

In addition to the mental/emotional aspects of the class, the physical component (yoga/meditation) of the program was stellar. Initially I entered this part of the program with a skeptical approach as I never imagined myself doing such things. I was quite surprised to find that not only was I able to participate but actually enjoyed and looked forward to it.

MBCR is highly recommended for it’s open, accepting, gentle transformational skills. It truly saved me from the dark rabbit hole of negativity, from looking at things with doom, to a fresh approach with skills to greet each new day and face whatever the world throws my way. I hope my cancer never recurs but if it does I know I can face it with new found strength and skills taught to me by MBCR and for that I am eternally grateful“.
M.F.

Find your glimmers to bring light to cancer recovery

Have you heard of “glimmers”? This is a term I just learned a few weeks ago, and have been reading about and thinking about ever since. As I understand it, the term was coined by Deb Dana, LCSW, a clinician, teacher, and expert in complex trauma. It comes from the Polyvagal Theory, as originally described by Dr Stephen Porges. I’ll get back to that in a minute.

Everyone knows the term “triggers”, and it has become a bit of a buzzword in recent years, and honestly I think is a bit overused, which takes away some from its true meaning in psychology. Triggers are events, experiences, or other stimuli that initiate a traumatic memory or response in the body or mind, via the nervous system. So triggers literally trigger our nervous system to fly into fight or flight mode (or even freeze/fawn, which I’ll mention later) in an attempt to protect us from some subconscious/imagined trauma or threat. Often, however, there is no real threat in the present, only the memory of some past threat. But our bodies and our minds can’t tell the difference, and respond with the same cascade of stress hormones and other reactions as it would if we were in the middle of that same threat all over again. Think, for example, of feeling a sensation of nausea just walking into and smelling the oncology clinic, even though you’ve been finished with chemo for months. Or feeling the sensation of fear or dread as you wait for results from follow up testing, just like you were taken back to your original diagnosis all over again. Or the sensation of tension arise in your jaw or shoulders or the pit of your stomach just seeing some emotionally abusive co-worker or family member come up on you caller ID. We’ve all felt it. And those who have been through a truly traumatic experience tend to feel these even more strongly. Sometimes they can be literally crippling. And as I’ve mentioned, having cancer is officially considered a traumatic experience by the medical/psychiatric community. It may not be the same as traumas like childhood abuse, natural disaster, or violent assault, but it is a trauma nonetheless, and can result in similar types of responses in the body.

The good news is that there are also stimuli that can initiate a response from the balancing side, the rest and digest, or social connection, part of our nervous system. These are the Glimmers. So these are sortof the opposite of triggers. These are experiences, events, or other stimuli that “trigger”-but in a good way- our nervous system to respond with a cascade of the feel good chemicals and reactions, that leave us feeling safe, connected, at ease, relaxed, comforted, connected, and nourished. Think of your glimmers, be they internal or external. They could be things like the warm sun on your skin, the comforting voice of a loved one, the sound of birds chirping in the morning, the feeling of your own breath gently rising and falling, the smell of warm cookies just out of the oven, the feeling of freedom when you float in the ocean, your favorite old music, or the feeling of connection you have with your best friend or your yoga community. These stimuli cue safety and ease, opening us up to experience peace and joy in our daily lives. And the really great news is, they are all around us, if we just learn to tune them in.

Let’s come back to Polyvagal theory just for a moment. It isn’t super important to understand this background, but it is interesting and may help shed some clarity on how to identify more glimmers. It highlights the safety and community aspect of this story, which is particularly important for trauma survivors. The traditional understanding of the autonomic nervous system, and the way I generally think about it, divides the system into 2 parts: the sympathetic, or “fight or flight”, and the parasympathetic, or “rest and digest”. These 2 sides of the nervous system act in concert to keep us balanced, with the sympathetic becoming activated in response to a stressor preparing our bodies to respond as needed, and then the parasympathetic engaging once the threat/stressor is neutralized to bring us back to balance and rest. Polyvagal theory posits that the parasympathetic side of the system can be further divided into 2 parts, the ventral vagal and the dorsal vagal branches. The ventral vagal branch is activated when we feel safety and social engagement, along with that traditional idea of rest and digest. So we are relaxed and at ease, but also feel safe and connected, and are able to be active and engaged without feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Some might call this the flow state. Activation of the dorsal vagal branch, on the other hand, which is considered a more primitive part of the system, results in the extreme opposite end of rest and digest, in which we suffer depression or dissociation, complete shutdown or immobilization, perhaps like a possum playing dead. This state is sometimes called freeze or fawn. So in Polyvagal theory, we can operate and move through these 3 main states: 1. Ventral vagal, our ideal state of joyful engagement, 2. the traditional fight or flight where we are stressed, anxious, irritated or angry, or 3. the dorsal vagal, where we completely collapse and can’t function adequately. Phew, that was more than a moment! 😉 I explain this theory because I think that the safety and social connection aspect of Polyvagal theory is an important key in recovering from traumatic experiences and in learning to heal our nervous systems and return to wellness and joyful living.

That brings me to the next piece of good news! Neuroplasticity is the phenomenon of the human brain and nervous system adapting and changing, both functionally and structurally, in response to our experiences and our actions. In short, sortof like a muscle, neurons that get used frequently develop stronger connections and become even more active. Sadly, this can work against us in trauma response, in that these triggered emotions and reactions can become stronger the longer they continue to be stimulated. HOWEVER, the glimmers can too! Soooo, the point of all of this is that focusing on our glimmers, on moments and memories and experiences that make us feel safe and joyful, at ease and connected, can actually help our nervous systems heal from our traumas. These glimmers cue safety and remind our nervous systems that things are ok now, that the threat is in the past, that it is ok to let down our guard, to enjoy that sunset, or that quiet cup of tea. These glimmers can help us build resilience so that when we are triggered and fall into fear or anxiety, we have some tools to more quickly pull ourselves back out. If we know what our glimmers are, we know what to do. We do some relaxing breathing, or listen to our favorite old music, or maybe we make a few of those cookies, get out in nature, or go for a swim. We call up a loved one and are soothed by the glimmer of their voice, or we go to a yoga class or a support group and feel at ease in the company of our friends. And every time we focus on a glimmer, we strengthen that part of our nervous system that feels safe and at ease. And we train our brains to see and feel the hundreds of glimmers that are available to us in every day.

Glimmer on, my beautiful friends.

Allowing each moment in breast cancer recovery

Don’t get me wrong, I love growth, and working on becoming a healthier, happier, more balanced human. BUT, I also think one of the most important things we can learn to do is just to stop. To let go of the need to always be grinding, and striving, and pushing for better, because that mindset carries with it the undertone that what we are in this moment is not good enough.
🪷 I think it is just as important to allow, to accept, and to love ourselves exactly as we are in this moment. To drop the unnecessary turmoil and tension that come with thinking we should be some other way, or that the next moment (or day, or week, or year) will be better than this one. And this is true, even -and maybe especially- in those moments when we are a hot freakin mess.
🪷 This is one of the gifts of mindfulness. To get comfortable being at ease, no matter what the moment brings. To give ourselves grace, to allow and accept the “full catastrophe” (as JKZ calls it in the title of his famous book) that is human existence. It’s messy, and crazy, and challenging… and beautiful. We just need to allow ourselves to stop and feel it all. 💕
🪷Wishing you all a nourishing and joyous weekend!
🧘🏽‍♀️💕🧘🏽‍♀️💕🧘🏽‍♀️💕