Tag: yoga with leona

Heal and transform through yoga’s light of awareness

This quote really grabbed me last week when a friend of mine shared it on her FB page. How eloquent and accurate it is! Most of us wander through life with a lot of dark corners in our bodies, basically paying them little to no attention. We don’t even think about whether our back is sore from sitting at a desk all day long, or whether our neck is tense, our mind is scattered, or our gut is in knots. Perhaps, even, we specifically block out the parts of our bodies that are uncomfortable or suffering, because we either don’t have time to deal with them, we don’t know what to do about it, or we just don’t want to face whatever it is. Whether we do this consciously or subconsciously doesn’t really matter. Then throw cancer and cancer treatment into the mix. I don’t particularly like to think about the scarring in my chest or the nerve damage under my shoulder from treatment. So one way to deal with it would be to just ignore it completely. Just make a dark, black, corner there and hope it goes away. Obviously you can sense the sarcasm, and realize that this “head in the sand” strategy isn’t probably the most effective way to deal with anything.

One of the many amazing and beautiful things about yoga is that is forces us to become exquisitely aware of all of the parts of our bodies, including the ones that we would otherwise ignore. In doing so, yoga practice brings us in touch with all of the parts of ourselves, shining the light of awareness into all of our dark corners, and setting the stage for healing and transformation. Because let’s face it, we can’t heal something if we don’t even know it is an issue. Many people come to yoga, and are so surprised to find out that one side of their body is much more flexible or much stronger than the other side, that one hip is very tight and the other isn’t, or that they have very flexible hamstrings, but very tight low back muscles, for example. We just don’t notice things like this in the course of our daily lives. Similarly, after cancer treatment, many of us just think it is normal and expected to have tightness, pain, limited motion, or weakness in our chest wall, neck, upper back, or shoulders. And these are, in fact, common side effects of treatment. But if we just ignore them and push them into the dark, how are we to heal, to see how much we can actually recover, if we just know what is going on and where we need to put our attention. There may be some things that cannot be cured, like permanent nerve damage or significant scarring. But even in these scenarios, shining the light of awareness into these dark corners will help us to fully understand how these things affect our daily lives, and perhaps how we might adapt and engage or strengthen other nearby body parts to help compensate for the weak ones. Or what daily activities we might do to help keep the tightness and discomfort from the scarring to a minimum. Once we are aware of all of our dark corners, we naturally begin to transform. But it is only with this awareness that we can truly be in tune with our bodies, working in harmony and balance, healing what we can, and adapting to anything we can’t, so that we can feel our best every day.

So whether it is in your yoga practice, or in your other daily activities, learn to shine that light of awareness into your dark corners. Learn to take the time to notice what your body feels, and how different movements and activities influence that. Really tune in and connect to yourself. It may be uncomfortable at first, but with a little time and effort, you will be transformed, and your body will thank you for it.

Namaste

Finding growth in our challenges

If you have been around me a while, you know I am obsessed with the lotus flower imagery and symbolism. I’ve written about it before. I even want to get a lotus flower tattooed on my body! I just feel like it couldn’t be a more perfect symbol of the growth and transformation we undergo through a breast cancer journey.

Debbie Ford said “Like the lotus flower that is born out of the mud, we must honor the darkest parts of ourselves, and the most painful of our life’s experiences, because they are what allow us to birth our most beautiful selves”. Of course the lotus is an aquatic plant, rooted deep under the muddy water, taking its nutrients from the muck and traversing up toward the surface, where the pristine flowers bloom, beautiful and unstained by the muddy depths from whence they came. So these flowers are a powerful and universal symbol of growth, transformation, resilience, purification, and even spiritual ascension. For us as breast cancer survivors, the dark muddy journey to the surface is of course symbolic of all of the challenges and difficulties we go through from diagnosis to treatment, and into recovery. But just as for the lotus, these challenges can be grist for the mill of our own growth and transformation, if we just allow ourselves to see them through that perspective. His Holiness the Dalai Lama said “Unfortunate events, though potentially a source of anger or despair, have equal potential to be a source of spiritual growth. Whether or not this is the outcome depends on your response”.

Don’t get me wrong, having cancer sucks big time. But since no amount of being angry, sad, and frustrated is going to change the fact that we are here and we are dealing with this disease, we might as well figure out how to make something good come from it. Many women say that they are even grateful for their cancer journey, because of all of the positive things that came out of it. OK, you don’t have to go quite so far as to be grateful for it! But try to think of some good that has come out of the whole experience. Maybe you became closer than ever to your partner. Maybe you got rid of a crappy unsupportive partner? Maybe you learned to take better care of yourself. Eating healthier or exercising more regularly? (I quit drinking a coke every day for breakfast! Yuk, how did I live like that before?) Maybe you make more time for yourself and things you know are good for you, like napping, reading, or stillness, instead of constantly running, working, and achieving. Maybe you became more compassionate and understanding for others going through similar things. Maybe you realized just how strong you could be. Or that it is ok to also be vulnerable and admit when you need help. I know I learned to let go of my need to control everything, and to just be more open to whatever the universe brings me each day. I’m more flexible and more patient. My values and priorities shifted a little as I thought about what is really important to me (rather than what others or our culture value). And finally, I know we all have newfound appreciation for the preciousness of each moment and each day, knowing that tomorrow is not guaranteed (for us nor for those around us).

Whatever unpleasant and difficult things cancer brings into our lives, we can refuse to let that keep us down, and instead turn it into an opportunity for growth and improvement. We can birth our most beautiful selves!

Namaste

ps who wants to get a tattoo with me?!

pps Photo is from the beautiful lotus pond at the Vallarta Botanical Gardens

Empower yourself in cancer recovery!

Sometimes having cancer can make us feel weak, powerless, and beaten down. We feel like our vitality and our vigor have been stripped right out from under us. It’s ok to feel this way. This shit is hard. From surgery to chemo to radiation to anti-estrogens to fear of dying and just the trauma of the whole situation, it is really hard. It is hard on our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. And that feeling of lost vitality and wondering if we’ll ever get back to a life we love can be one of the most challenging things about the whole experience. But once we acknowledge those feelings, understanding why they arise, and throw a little love to ourselves… then it is time to dig down and find the strength and the resilience that is there in all of us, just waiting to be unleashed. This is when we must believe in ourselves and know that whatever obstacles arise, we can tackle them, one breath at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. It might take years, but that is ok. We must learn to spread our wings and believe that we will recover, that we will get our lives back, that we will be strong again, that we can do the things we love again. Because if we don’t, if we allow ourselves to stay in that place of weakness, of powerlessness, it can really turn into an ugly vicious cycle, making it harder and harder to pull ourselves out.

So how do we do it? We start small, and take it day by day. Maybe you decide to walk once around your block, or just take a couple of laps up and down your stairs. Maybe you just park your car a little farther away from the entrance at the grocery, and you go out for a short walk on your lunch break. Maybe you renew your gym membership or see if there are exercise classes offered at your cancer center. There are some great facebook groups that can help you get and stay motivated and give you ideas, so check that out if you like facebook. And seek out a community group through your cancer center. Many have amazing support groups with organized activities to help you. (Check out my Resources https://yogawithleona.com/resources/ page for a few examples). Or start a yoga practice? My favorite! I love yoga because you can start wherever you are, at whatever level of fitness you have, with whatever injuries or limitations you might have. With just a little direction, you can learn to practice right at your level, and then slowly progress from there.

Whatever it is that you decide to do, just start slowly and stick with it. Gentle perseverance is key. Then you will start to feel that vitality coming back! You’ll feel more energy. You’ll start to feel strength and flexibility coming back to parts of your body that may have felt like they were asleep. And instead of that negative vicious cycle of weakness and defeat, you’ll feel empowered and even more motivated to keep going the next day. Remember that we must be gentle, patient, and honest with ourselves about how we are feeling. We don’t want to push too hard and end up with an injury that slows progress even more. But we also don’t want to sell ourselves short, and just settle for the exercise regimen or the yoga practice that never challenges us. As you’ve heard me say, we are NOT relegated to do just the gentle yoga forever. We CAN get back to a full, strong practice if we want it. I’ve never been a big runner, but many women get back to triathlons and running marathons after cancer treatment. So don’t let yourself believe that you can’t do something just because you’ve had cancer. You CAN! It just takes time and really listening to ourselves to know when to push and when to rest. Navigating this delicate line, this balance, will teach you to be so in touch with yourself and your body, which will help you in your recovery and in other areas of life.

Having cancer sure can knock us down. But we don’t have to stay there. Find your wings, my friends. You were meant to fly.

Let me know if I can help you in the yoga part of your journey.

Namaste

Choosing a daily mantra to help protect your mind

Any of my Tucson friends recognize these pretty angels? I had them in one of my exam rooms in my office at Arizona Oncology. I thought they would give my patients something pretty, positive, and inspiring to look at while they waited for their appointments. Then when I moved to Mexico, I brought them with me, and they now hang in my bathroom. Interestingly, when I was sick with my own cancer, they gave me something pretty, positive, and inspiring to look at each day while I was getting dressed. In yoga, we often choose a mantra, an intention, or an affirmation for our practice. In fact, I think this is a great practice to do every day, even if you aren’t doing a physical yoga practice. So I thought I’d share my angels, as they provide some good ideas for potential mantras.

Sogyal Rinpoche says “The definition of mantra is ‘that which protects the mind’. That which protects the mind from negativity, or that which protects you from your own mind, is called a mantra”. So we choose a mantra to help train our minds in the way we want to think, which helps protect us from getting stuck in negative thought patterns. Just as with everything, the more we practice bringing our minds back to our chosen mantra, the better able we are to redirect our thoughts when we need to. Don’t forget, it isn’t wrong to have negative thoughts or emotions. It is completely natural. We just don’t want to stay there all day. So this is where coming back to your mantra can help.

So a few tips on choosing or setting your mantra. Your mantra can relate to anything that you want to focus on or bring more of into your life. So you might choose “I am peaceful and at ease”, “I am strong and resilient”, “I am healthy and strong”, or “I receive my day with openness and enthusiasm”. Next, it helps to set your mantra or intention in the present, as though it is already true (even if it is something you are just striving for). So instead of saying “I will try to be more loving and kind”, we say “I am filled with loving kindness”, making it so in the present, instead of some future possibility. Other examples might include “I release all anxiety in order to be light and free” (this one is from Thich Nhat Hanh), “Every cell in my body is healthy” (this one is from my friend and fellow thriver Lori), “I am resilient and handle any obstacle that comes in my path with grace and ease”, “I trust my intuition and honor myself”, or “I am loving and kind to myself and others”.

I also like to wear bead bracelets, and at times will choose a number of qualities I want to cultivate, and then list one for each bead. For example if the bracelet has 7 beads, I might say “Peaceful, resilient, dedicated, equanimous, curious, kind, open”. Then whenever I am waiting in line or sitting on the couch, I count the beads on the bracelet to help me remember my list. I also love sanskrit mantras, and the melodious quality in the chanting that comes along with the meaning, but will write about that another day. But if singing spiritual songs or prayers works well for you, that is mantra too! Remember, you can choose anything that helps to protect the mind!

So make your mantra/affirmation/intention your own, crafted to whatever resonates with you. We all need different things, and even that can change from day to day. So practice setting a mantra that works for you, and then practice coming back to it throughout your day. I think it will help you feel and be your best.

Namaste

Are your habits in line with your highest intentions?

Happy Spring Equinox, the first day of spring! Did you do anything to celebrate today? Do you have any traditions of customs for this day? I am in the habit of celebrating each turn of the season (spring and fall equinox, and winter and summer solstice) with 108 sun salutations. The pic is me after completing my practice this morning, resting in savasana 😉 I love sun salutations, the simplicity of them, and how I can step outside of my mind and drop into a moving meditation as I repeat the movements of my body over and over, coordinating with the rhythm of my breath. 108 is physically challenging though (which I also enjoy), so I split them into 4 sets of 27, with a few minutes of rest in between the sets. During these rest breaks, I like to take stock of how the past season has been for me, how I have felt, and whether there are any changes I need to make for the new season. I focus on whether I have been thinking and acting in alignment with my true self, or whether I might have lapsed into old habits that are not in my best interest. Then I reflect on anything I might be able to do in the coming season to cultivate healthier habits, to maintain balance in my life and my mind, to maintain awareness of my state of mind as much as I can. Am I being peaceful, kind, loving, compassionate (to self and others), non-judgemental, and equanimous? Am I taking good care of myself in body and mind? Do I feel content and joyful at the end of each day? If not, with loving-kindness and without judging myself, I consider where I might be able to do better, and make plans to do so.

Henry David Thoreau said ” As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives”. Habits are so important in shaping our lives and the way we feel each day. And the great thing is it is totally within our power to choose what type of habits we want to cultivate. We may have some less healthy habits that we have created in the past as a response to something traumatic like a cancer diagnosis, to try to defend or protect ourselves, or in an attempt at self-soothing. But once we bring awareness to these habits and recognize whether or not they are ones we wish to continue, the choice is ours. We can create new habits that are healthier and more in line with how we want to live our lives.

So take a few minutes this weekend to evaluate your habits. Do you have any less healthy ones you’d like to grow out of or replace with something better? Do you have some really positive ones you’d like to enrich even more? And they don’t have to be big habits. It can just be taking 5 minutes a day to practice stillness or to practice conscious breathing. Maybe 30 minutes once or twice a week for journaling. Maybe you work a little less and make time for coffee with friends. Maybe you commit to walking in nature 3 times a week, or practicing yoga on some schedule that works for you. Maybe you make a commitment to healthier eating by trying to eat all the colors of the rainbow each day, or by drinking more water and less soda. Maybe you practice loving kindness meditations, directing love and gratitude to your body for getting you through everything up to today (instead of feeling anger or frustration or judgement at your body, which can be so easy to do in cancer recovery). Or make time to read some books you’ve been meaning to read. You decide what habits you want to develop, what you really feel you need, and then put in the effort to stick with them and see how you feel. As your habits build, you’ll not only feel the benefit of the positive action or thought pattern, but you’ll feel empowered and realize that you can do anything you set your mind to. Today is the day, on this first day of Spring, to choose how you intend this next season to be.

Namaste

Are you flexible in body and mind?

You’ve seen this quote before because it is one of my favorites: “The flexibility we gain in asana is the living symbol of the suppleness we gain in relation to life’s problems and challenges” – BKS Iyengar. Many people think of flexibility first when they think of yoga. Images of super bendy people tying themselves into pretzels or contorting their bodies into unimaginable shapes are all over instagram, so these come easily into our minds. And of course, it is true that improving the flexibility of our body is a big part of yoga. But it definitely isn’t the only, nor the most important part. So let’s talk about flexibility.

I took this picture to remind myself to talk about flexibility of the chest/shoulder for us breast cancer survivors. This pose (and others that require the same opening of the chest wall and pectoralis muscle) were impossible for me for a time after recovering from my surgery and radiation. And my radiated side still, 4 years and lots of yoga later, is a bit tight. But after hours and hours of slow, steady effort, I am able to get into the position without pain. As you know, surgery (be it lumpectomy, mastectomy, or reconstruction) and radiation to the area of the breast create scarring across the front side of the chest wall. And our body’s natural reaction to an injury like surgery is to lay down scar tissue, which creates some contraction of the area as the body tries to heal. Radiation also causes a special kind of scarring, called radiation fibrosis, which causes a thickening and loss of elasticity of the skin, muscle, and connective tissue. Finally, immobility during recovery can also cause some contraction of this area and tightening of muscles. All of this results in contraction of the front side of the chest and shoulder, and a forward rolling of the shoulder, which can be uncomfortable or even painful. And if left untreated can end up in a frozen shoulder. So this type of stretch, which opens the front side of the body, stretching the skin, pectoralis, and other tissues of the chest wall, is so important in recovery after breast cancer. Of course we have to do it slowly and gently over a period of time. But it can be done, and it makes us feel so much better when we can get our chest loosened up again.

But flexibility in life is perhaps the more important skill that we learn from our yoga practice. Life is constantly changing, right? And presenting us with new and different challenges and surprises, requiring us to be able to shift gears and adapt to each new circumstance or obstacle. In yoga, as we train our bodies and minds to tolerate different positions and actions of the body and breath, we lay the groundwork for more flexibility out in the rest of our lives. This is what Iyengar means in the quote. Yes, flexibility in our body is important, but it is really just a symbol of the deeper flexibility that we gain from this practice.

And wow, does a cancer experience require us to be flexible! From things like waiting on test results, to ever-changing treatment schedules, new recommendations for treatment duration or testing regimes, to constantly changing treatment side effects and changes in our bodies as a result, to elation at good test results, and fear and worry with not-so-good results, a cancer journey is ever-changing. And the only way to get through this maze of twists and turns is to learn to be flexible, adaptable, resilient, and equanimous. To try not to get totally bent out of shape when your appointments have to change, or when you need to get another scan to better evaluate some abnormality. It is easier said than done, and I know that it is impossible to go through all of this stuff and not ever get flustered. But if we can just learn to be a little more flexible and at ease in the unknown, we will suffer much less as we navigate our way through. If we can realize that we are resilient, and we will figure it out, whatever the next step requires, we can relieve ourselves of some of that anxiety and tension. Yoga teaches our bodies and minds to do this. We use our breath, we relax into the unknown, we feel our strength, and we engage in the present as much as possible. Then with clarity and a calm mind, we do whatever we need to do.

So whether you just need a little more flexibility in your pecs, or you want to see what deeper flexibility you might be able to cultivate in your mind and your life, give yoga a try. Slow, gentle, persistent effort will get you there.

Namaste

Holding on loosely through a cancer journey

Rumi famously said “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go”. It is really true. And in the early 80’s (my formative childhood years), the rock band 38 special similarly said “Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go”. I still love that song, and can sing all of the lyrics! My cancer journey has really been a time to feel this message. For most of my life, I was just a person who could buckle down and muscle my way through any challenge. I could handle a lot, and maybe almost prided myself on my toughness. But wham! Cancer happens. And cancer isn’t something where you can just bite your lip, lower your head, and mow it over with your willpower and stubborness. A cancer journey unfolds on its own time, teaching us patience and the ability to release our need to control things with our will, or to force them to happen on our desired timeline. Many things are simply out of our control, and to try to hold on to that control is just inflicting unnecessary suffering on ourselves. And a cancer journey also often hits with such intensity (both physically and emotionally) that we cannot just muscle through, even if we wanted to. We learn to loosen our grip, to surrender, to let go, or let be what will. Along the way, we learn to identify when we can fight back a little and show our strength, and when we must again surrender and quietly accept the situation…. and in that dance, in that exquisite balance between holding on and letting go, we find freedom and grace.

So too, in yoga, we have to learn to balance holding on and letting go. Very commonly we get in our own way by gripping too intensely, or trying too hard in a pose. You might notice that in a backbending pose you feel a ton of tightening in the muscles of your back, and if you can learn to relax those muscles and soften into the pose, you’ll find more depth as well as more comfort in the pose. This is common in many postures, some more than others depending on your particular body type and what come easier to you. So next time you are practicing asana, really tune in to your level of effort and try to feel when you are fighting against yourself. Soften into the pose, while still maintaining a steady gentle strength. Find that perfect balance between effort and ease, and you’ll discover amazing depth. This is where the magic happens. And this magic can then accompany you off of your mat and into life’s challenges, be they cancer, or job stress, or interpersonal relationship stress, or whatever.

As 38 Special taught me at an early age, just hold on loosely, but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna loose control. (I hope you are singing it in your head now too!).

Namaste friends and Happy Saturday!

Let nature light the way in breast cancer recovery

Nature is so glorious! I LOVE all of the brilliant green colors produced when light shines through the leaves. But nature isn’t just beautiful to look at. It is really healing, relaxing, and rejuvenating. There is plenty of research that says that spending time in nature will benefit your health and well-being, including reducing cardiovascular disease, obesity, mood disorders, stress, inflammation, and even improve your immune system function! So, while I love yoga, I also really enjoy just getting out for a walk or a hike and taking in the beauty of nature. Breathing the fresh air, feeling the breeze and the sunlight on my skin, and just stepping away from everything for a few minutes each day can make a huge difference in how I feel.

Also, remember that all of the health organizations recommend at least 150 minutes of moderate intensity exercise per week, and these recommendations come from decades of research proving that the benefits of exercise are real. These benefits are clearly proven for cancer survivors too, and maybe we can even benefit more than the average person. Not only will exercise make you healthier in body and mind, and help you recover from your cancer experience, but it will make you feel better as well. It doesn’t have to be anything special, and you don’t have to break any ground speed records to get the benefits. Any and all activity that gets your body moving and gets your heart and lungs working is great.

And if you can combine a little time in nature along with a little exercise, you’ll be benefiting from both. Maybe you practice yoga a few days of the week, and go for a walk in nature on the other days? Maybe you do some yoga in nature, or just throw in a yoga pose or two during your walk (I can’t help myself 😉 )? Even if you can’t easily get to a deep lush forest, any local neighborhood park, tree-lined street, or school ground with a little grass and a few trees will suffice. Maybe find a buddy who also wants to develop an exercise regimen, so you can encourage each other and help maintain that motivation. Create whatever schedule works for you, and just cultivate the habit so that it becomes a natural part of your day. Once you get into the routine, you’ll feel so good you’ll want to keep going.

Exercise and taking in a little nature are also great ways to help get our minds off of our cancer treatment or other life stressors. Just a little change of scenery can be the catalyst you need to help you begin to see things in a new light.

Of course if you are still in the midst of active cancer treatment, there will be times when you just don’t feel up to exercising, and we must be patient with ourselves. However, there is quite a lot of literature on exercise actually improving cancer-related fatigue. It seems counterintuitive, but if you feel up to it at all, getting your body up and moving actually helps you regain your energy and initiate a new positive cycle. Even just a short gentle walk around your backyard or around the block might be enough to help you turn the corner and bring your vitality back after treatment.

As always, see what works for you and listen to your body. You may need to explore a few different types of exercise before you find something that you really love. Keep an open mind. Maybe something you used to love doesn’t feel right, but something new will. But I really encourage you to try to incorporate some time in nature when you can. Let the beauty of nature nourish you, and its brilliant energy will surely make you smile. It does for me!

Namaste friends

A little more about me?

Many of you know me personally, but for any of you who don’t, I thought I’d share some random tidbits about me so you’ll know what you are dealing with. LOL

I’m 44. I grew up in a small town in southern Indiana, and I still visit there at least once a year to see all of my family. I went to Indiana University for my undergrad degree in biology, with minors in english and anthropology. I always really enjoyed writing, and while i did have a handful of things published in medical journals during my years in medicine, my change in career has left me a lot more opportunity to write, which is fun. My Mom was a high school english teacher, though, and so I am always slightly worried about whether my grammar is correct in my writings (jk Mom, I think I get it right most of the time thanks to your tutelage). I went to IU also for medical school, and then left Indiana for residency and fellowship in Tucson, Arizona, where I met and fell in love with my best friend, Robert. And since 2015, we have called sunny Puerto Vallarta, Mexico our home. We absolutely love living here, near the ocean, in a glorious, relaxed, and vibrant community that has been truly healing and nourishing for me.

It sounds corny, but my husband really is my best friend. I was married before, so I know how dramatically different things can be with the right (vs wrong) person by your side, and I am beyond grateful to have Robert. He has been there through work stress, cancer, an international move, as well as through so many amazing memories, both little and big. He makes everything in life easier and more fun, and helps me stay grounded and true to myself.

I never had kids of my own, but am lucky to have 7 beautiful nieces and nephews, and I love to visit them and also to have them visit me here in Mexico! And when I married my husband, I was blessed with 2 amazing step-kids, and now a lovely grandchild and another on the way. Being an aunt and a grandmother is pretty awesome stuff. I’m also really close to my Mom and love going on adventures with her. We went on an incredible trip to India a couple of years ago, and are now plotting our next trip for once covid travel issues are resolved.

I was always a pretty intense person, with a real tendency to overwork, overachieve, overcommit, overexercise, and just generally rush through everything to get to what I thought was the goal. Once I decided what I was going to do, I was on overdrive to get there, and probably missed a lot of scenery along the way. Changing careers, moving to mexico, practicing yoga, and having cancer have all helped me to see the benefits and feel the joy in slowing down, taking my time, enjoying the journey, being less rigid, being able to shift gears and explore different routes, and sometimes not even have a plan. I feel so much lighter, more relaxed, and more adaptable than I did when I was younger.

As you know, I love cats. I have 3, and would have more if I thought they would get along, and my husband wouldn’t kill me. 😉

I don’t have any tattoos, but am thinking seriously about getting a lotus flower on my back, as a symbol of the growth and transformation that can result from life’s challenges if we just allow it to happen. I think I’ve written at least one blog about the lotus flower and its symbolism. I’ll find it and link it here. https://yogawithleona.com/2018/12/30/may-i-live-like-the-lotus-at-ease-in-muddy-water/

I love reading books on yoga philosophy, Buddhism, Hinduism, and spirituality in general. My favorite authors are Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Jack Kornfield, and Pema Chodron, at the moment.

I am pretty proud of building this website myself. I didn’t know anything about websites, and while WordPress makes it as easy as it could be, there was still a ton to learn! The crazy covid year actually served as a real catalyst to get me to finally put in the work to get it done, since I was no longer busy teaching and taking yoga classes in person and had more time on my hands. It has been a fun and different challenge, learning new skills and overcoming obstacles.

I’d like to get better at gardening and cooking. Having cancer made me take my diet a lot more seriously, and recognize that it really is important what you put into your body. Duh, right? I used to drink a coke for breakfast every day at the office. OMG, how could I expect to be healthy?! I’m still not really rigid about it, but try to eat a lot more vegetables, healthy proteins, and minimize processed foods and refined carbs/sugars. I do like margaritas! 😉

But as you all know, yoga is really my passion. I continue to be amazed and inspired by the benefits I feel in my body and my mind. I’m a total yoga science dork, and if you aren’t careful you can get stuck hearing about the latest scientific study I’ve read about the benefits or the mechanisms behind those benefits. My poor husband, LOL. I’ve been practicing for about 10 years, though for the first 4-5 years, I was lucky if I was able to find the time for practice 3 times a week. I currently practice usually 6 days a week, and teach 4 days a week either on Facetime or in person in addition. But don’t feel like you have to practice that much to get the benefits. Any little bit is worth it, so just do whatever feels right to you. I truly love sharing yoga with others, and am overjoyed when I can see someone else begin to feel better because of this simple practice.

All right, that may have been more than you ever wanted to know about me. But I hope it helps you get to know me a little better. Please let me know if you have any requests or feedback about the site, or if I can answer any questions you might have about yoga in cancer recovery.

Namaste friends

The wisdom of surrender in cancer recovery

Eckhart Tolle says “Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to, rather than opposing, the flow of life”. The word surrender can sometimes have a bit of a negative connotation, like it means giving up or carries a quality of weakness along with it. But what ET is talking about here is something different, that I think can be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves in traversing this cancer journey. This surrender is not one of “I give up”, or “I don’t care”, or a “whatever” attitude. Rather, the surrender he is talking about, and the one that I believe can bring us so much freedom, is more of a conscious acceptance of things as they are, of recognizing that no amount of resistance, opposition, defiance, or angst is going to change the facts or the events that have happened up to this moment. Because the moment is what it is. We can bang our head against a wall or scream at the universe, but that won’t change the facts. This type of surrender requires tremendous strength (the opposite of the weakness some might think it entails); the strength to see clearly the conditions in which we find ourselves, and to accept them wholeheartedly. If we do not surrender and accept our situation, we allow ourselves to stay in that mindset of resistance and continuous struggle, thinking “why has this happened”, “this can’t be happening”, “I can’t deal with it”, and “this is horrible” and we just create inner turmoil, distress, more discomfort for ourselves (and maybe even physical illness like ulcers, irritable bowels, or weakened immunity). On the other hand, if we can accept the situation as it is, we eliminate much of that distress, and can instead focus our minds and our energy on what steps we can take to make the next moment closer to the way we want it to be.

You might say, “this is BS, how am I just supposed to accept that I have cancer and have to take all of this crappy treatment?”. I don’t mean that you have to like it, or that you have to believe that it is great. Because let’s face it, some moments suck. And some situations we find ourselves in are really really difficult to deal with. But no amount of inner resistance will change the reality of the circumstances of this moment. That inner resistance just creates more suffering. So instead, we can learn to accept the circumstances as they are, and then choose our next steps from there. And hopefully from that place of peaceful acceptance, we make wise choices and are able to find some bright moments, even amongst the difficult ones, and then eventually better days come, as they typically do.

Let’s take an example. On the day before our next chemo, we could lie in bed and cry all day with misery anticipating how shitty we will feel after chemo, and remind ourselves of every yucky side effect that might arise, and how angry we are that we have to do this. On the other hand, we could accept that this cancer is, in fact, here, and needs to be dealt with. And this treatment is what we need to get better, so we will use that last day before chemo to get a little fresh air or exercise, and then prepare a few things we know will bring us comfort on those hard days ahead. See what a better approach the latter would be? And how much better we will have made everything, including those crummy post-chemo days, by having our favorite comfort foods or movies ready and prepared, as well as getting some joy and fun out of that last good day before treatment.

This is not always easy. It takes practice, just like everything else. So just start by trying to notice when you are resisting. When you feel inner resistance, inner turmoil, irritation, opposition, or defiance toward your situation. Once we notice we are doing this, we can see how it doesn’t make us feel good. How we feel tense, anxious, agitated, perhaps even sick to our stomach or slightly tight in the chest. We can then take a few deep breaths, and practice accepting the situation as it is. Stop and breathe a while here. It may take some time. The situation is what it is, so why fight it? Once you feel the resistance slipping away, notice if you feel a little more freedom, a little more openness, lightness, or clarity. And then you can choose your next actions from that place of peaceful acceptance and stillness.

For me, this practice of surrender, of quiet acceptance of my cancer and of what I needed to do to get myself well again, really helped me get through it much more easily. Surrender allowed me to feel peaceful inside, even though a battle was raging between the treatment and the disease. I chose not to let my mind and emotions also fall into battle. Surrender also showed me the depth of my resilience and strength, making me even more able to handle each next challenge with grace. And this practice continues to help me now, 4 years later, when stressful things come up with the cancer follow up, with some of my ongoing side effects from treatment, or from other non-cancer related life stressors. Give it a try and see if it helps you in the same way.

Namaste friends

(And enormous gratitude to Eckhart Tolle for his wisdom, which has guided me and taught me so much. If you haven’t read him, please do).