Tag: breast cancer thriver

Breast cancer treatment is a pain in the armpit!

If you follow my FB page, you know I recently took about 6 days off from my yoga practice because I was traveling for my husband’s birthday. I often still practice when I travel, but for some reason on this trip, I just wanted it to be about us relaxing at the beach together, and I didn’t want to have to interrupt our time with my yoga practice. It felt great and we had a lovely time, and I actually wrote a short post on FB about how it is good, sometimes, to take a few days off for perspective and reflection on your practice.

Well, after we returned home, I remembered why I usually don’t take more than a day or two off from my practice. Ouch! I have felt, on and off since my mastectomy and full axillary node dissection, some strange nerve pains in the underarm, the side of my chest wall, and down into my upper inner arm. The pains range from a vague numb discomfort type sensation (like after your foot goes to sleep because you were sitting on it) to pins and needles, to sometimes a deep burning sensation like a hot poker is sticking into me, or even a very sharp searing/tearing sensation, like the muscle or skin is being ripped apart. The last one is really weird because I will be able to tell that I am clearly NOT overstretching anything or causing enough tension to result in that tearing sort of feeling. Sometimes it happens when I am sitting completely still! So clearly, these are all nerve sensations, related in some way to nerves that were damaged at surgery, maybe are trying to grow back, or to the development of neuromas (nerve overgrowths, in this case benign and related to trauma to the nerve). This syndrome is called Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome (PMPS), and refers primarily to this nerve pain in the breast, chest wall, shoulderblade, underarm, and even down into the arm. But PMPS also often includes pain related to lymphedema, capsular contracture, shoulder dysfunction, or other downstream effects of breast surgery (mastectomy or lumpectomy), axillary node sampling, reconstruction, or radiation. Because it can occur with surgery other than mastectomy, it is sometimes called Post Breast Surgery Pain Syndrome instead.

Shockingly, PMPS occurs in as many as 50-60% of people who undergo these types of surgeries, so if you have it like me, you are in good company! Some things make it more likely, including full axillary node dissection (as opposed to sentinel node), implant reconstruction, and radiation. Interestingly, younger age, depression and anxiety, poor/passive coping strategies, lack of cognitive flexibility, and underlying other pain syndromes are also risk factors for PMPS. And protective factors, such as resilience (defined here as a person’s ability to maintain relatively stable, healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning even when exposed to highly disruptive events”) have been correlated with lower levels of PMPS. So how long does it last? To differentiate this from normal postsurgical healing, PMPS is defined as pain that persists beyond 3 months after surgery. Many women with PMPS will have slow improvement in pain over time, but a sizeable percentage will still have pain years later. In fact in one study of women reporting PMPS, nearly half of them still had symptoms at 9 years of follow up.

So for those of us who have this, we gotta learn how to minimize it so it doesn’t limit us or cause us to suffer any more than it has to! Fortunately we do have some control over how we deal with this.

As with most things in medicine, lots of different treatments have been studied, and some may work for some women and others better for others. As you may have guessed, physical exercise has been shown to improve outcomes, including reducing pain, improving function, and improving quality of life. It stretches the tissues, keeps shoulder alignment healthy, improves blood flow, and helps with scar tissue. This is why I think yoga helps me so much. If I stick to my regimen of regular yoga practice, it seems to me that I keep the tissues of my chest wall and underarm nice and mobile, stretched, soft, and elastic. If I don’t move my shoulder and chest wall enough, things seem to get stuck again, and wham! The pain comes back. I’ve been back from vacation for 4-5 days now, and back to my usual regimen of yoga, and the sharp searing pain I was having is basically gone. I need to remember this next time I think I’ll just skip stretching for days on end. As you know from my other blogs, yoga has specifically been studied in breast cancer survivors and shown to improve pain, physical function, mood, and quality of life (among other benefits). So yoga has got to be good for PMPS, and I am a perfect example.

Physical therapy, massage, and acupuncture have also been shown to be of benefit in some women. Medications are often used in severe cases, including nerve pain modulating medications, such as gabapentin. I saw one report of topical capsaicin being of some help. Psychological therapies, such as mindfulness based therapies, cognitive behavioral therapies, meditation, and hypnosis have also shown benefit. Interestingly, yoga incorporates many of these psychological strategies in our practices as well, so you get a double bonus benefit with yoga! And then finally, some surgical approaches and interventional procedures, such as nerve blocks, fat grafting, and targeted muscle reinnervation have been used in some refractory and severe cases.

So that may be waaay more than you ever wanted to know about post mastectomy pain. But since I occasionally suffer with it myself, I thought some of you might also be in the same boat. It is such a strange sensation. It helps me some just to know what it is, so that my fear response doesn’t kick in and start catastrophizing all of the horrible things that it might be. That being said, if you have pain that persists and/or worsens, talk to your Dr about whether you need any imaging, and especially about what options you might have for treatment. Because there are things that can help! And make sure you are moving your body. This is what helps me the most!

Namaste yogis

Learning to love our scars and asymmetries

Just when you thought you knew how weird I was…. there’s more! Did you know I have two different colored eyes? Specifically one of my eyes has 2 wedges of a different color in it, a condition called segmental heterochromia iridis. There are several different types of heterochromia (different colored eyes), and about 0.6% of the population are born with these conditions. There are also acquired types of heterochromia, like from trauma to the eyes (as in David Bowie, who is even weirder than I am). When I was a kid, I thought people with pale blue eyes or dark chocolate brown eyes, or pretty much any color other than what I had, were so much prettier. Now, finally, about 1 month shy of my 45th birthday, I finally realized my eyes are kinda cool.

Sadly, we tend to judge ourselves pretty harshly, and see the beauty in others far sooner than we ever see anything good in ourselves. We have to get better about this. Especially after cancer treatment, when surgery, chemo, radiation, and hormone blockade can leave us scarred and changed. Please click and read this beautiful excerpt from a talk by Ram Dass, about learning to judge ourselves less harshly. https://www.ramdass.org/judging-less-harshly/ I love his analogy of trees, and how different trees grow differently, because of lack of light, or other reasons, and how we don’t judge a tree because of this. We understand why it grew the way it did, and we allow it, and even appreciate that it was resilient and able to grow despite its conditions. Why can’t we be this way with ourselves? I’m beginning to be able to see my scars, not as ugly and asymmetric, but as signs of strength and resilience. I’m beginning to be able to appreciate them, even to have a deep respect for them and what they mean. They mean my body was able to withstand some pretty nasty stuff, and then it recovered and healed itself. It may not look the way it did before, but why would it? The human body is truly a magnificent marvel, and the fact that we can get through these toxic treatments and come out the other side is nothing short of a miracle. I’m trying to develop deep gratitude and love for my body, my scars and asymmetries and weird color abnormalities included.

The second part about the Ram Dass excerpt that I really love is the part about him putting his own picture on his puja table. For those who are unfamiliar, in several eastern traditions, one would normally have pictures of one’s guru or revered dieties on their puja table, and these would be used for prayers and devotional practices. So it is a little unusual to put your own picture there. But his reasoning is beautiful. We could all probably use a reminder to, as he says, open our hearts to ourselves and to understand the predicaments we are in. If we could be as loving and as understanding with ourselves as we are with others, as devoted to ourselves as we are to others, we would find ourselves so much happier and healthier. And we would also be more compassionate and loving with others. A positive feedback loop of love and understanding!

I invite you to take a look at yourself, and really see the glory and the miracle in your body and your spirit. Whatever weirdness you have, and whatever scars and changes you have acquired through cancer or other trials, you are a beautiful force of nature and you deserve your own love, respect, and understanding.

Weirdmaste (the weirdness in me honors the weirdness in you)

btw damn, my eyebrows are impressive, right?! Guess I wished a little too hard for them to grow back. Now I have way too much! I need a lawnmower for those things 😉

Tune in to your inner light and intuitive wisdom

Being diagnosed with cancer and traversing the frightening landscape of testing, waiting, chemo, surgery, radiation, more waiting (all of which are often darkened with the shadow of the unknown) can really knock the wind out of us. It can leave us feeling unsteady, unsure of ourselves, doubtful, fearful, weak, and alone. It might even feel like trying to walk in quicksand, unable to get solid footing or grasp onto anything stable, secure, or reliable. At these times, of course it is so important to have supportive people in our lives, such as family or partners who can offer a shoulder to cry on, and ear for listening, or a strong arm to lean on for stability. Also our sisters and brothers in the cancer journey can often lend some helpful advice from their own experiences. These are invaluable.

But my thought for the day has to do with the value of really tuning in and finding that light within ourselves that represents our own personal true north. The story goes that the Buddha, just before he died said to his disciples, “Be a light unto yourself”. Even though he had been their trusted teacher and spiritual leader, he encouraged them not to rely on the wisdom of others, but to learn to see it, each within himself. We can read a million books and listen to innumerable stories, but no one else’s experience is exactly the same as our own, and nobody else is in exactly the same place in their life when cancer hits as we are. Nobody else’s cancer is exactly the same as ours, nor is the complicated milieu of the rest of their body (immune system, hormones, metabolism, etc) or mind (emotions, mood, spiritual well-being, etc) exactly the same as our own. It is also sadly true that there may come a time when certain support systems are unavailable or they have their own issues and so can’t be such a help to us. So while it is important to have support from those around us, it is even more important to find the wisdom, clarity, peace, faith, and light that come from within us. We must find the light of our own spirit, no matter how dulled it might appear from the trauma of our experience, no matter how obscured it seems by our scars and the other changes in our bodies. Once we find that light and remember that it is always there, and will always be there, we can become comfortable with it, comforted by it. We can learn to trust our own light, our intuition, our true selves. And once we do, we’ll find our footing again, even in the quicksand, we’ll find a well of strength and adaptability that can handle any obstacle and figure out any challenge. That doubt and fear will give way and we will know that we are ok, even if the worst possible things are happening around us. Whenever hardship or grief arise, we’ll be able to tune in, to dig deep and channel our own inner resources for wisdom, strength, resilience, and peace.

The true practice of yoga, including all 8 limbs as originally described by Patanjali and as practiced by millions over the centuries, is the perfect training ground for developing this ability to tune in to our inner light. Yoga teaches us to cultivate attitudes and behaviors that are aligned with our highest selves, to practice breath awareness and breath control which work to settle the mind and the nervous system, to connect deeply with, understand, and appreciate our bodies in asana, to learn to center and focus the mind, and to really actualize that union of body, mind, and spirit. In all of these ways, yoga grounds us, helps us recognize the light in ourselves, fans the flames to keep that light strong, and keeps us connected to it, so that we don’t lose sight of it and lose our footing again. Or if we do, it won’t be for long, and we’ll be able to quickly right ourselves and regain that sense of peace and composure, confident that we can weather any storm. I know that this practice of yoga has done so for me, and that it has made an enormous difference in how I travel on this cancer journey. I hope that you will find the same.

Namaste

Finding growth in our challenges

If you have been around me a while, you know I am obsessed with the lotus flower imagery and symbolism. I’ve written about it before. I even want to get a lotus flower tattooed on my body! I just feel like it couldn’t be a more perfect symbol of the growth and transformation we undergo through a breast cancer journey.

Debbie Ford said “Like the lotus flower that is born out of the mud, we must honor the darkest parts of ourselves, and the most painful of our life’s experiences, because they are what allow us to birth our most beautiful selves”. Of course the lotus is an aquatic plant, rooted deep under the muddy water, taking its nutrients from the muck and traversing up toward the surface, where the pristine flowers bloom, beautiful and unstained by the muddy depths from whence they came. So these flowers are a powerful and universal symbol of growth, transformation, resilience, purification, and even spiritual ascension. For us as breast cancer survivors, the dark muddy journey to the surface is of course symbolic of all of the challenges and difficulties we go through from diagnosis to treatment, and into recovery. But just as for the lotus, these challenges can be grist for the mill of our own growth and transformation, if we just allow ourselves to see them through that perspective. His Holiness the Dalai Lama said “Unfortunate events, though potentially a source of anger or despair, have equal potential to be a source of spiritual growth. Whether or not this is the outcome depends on your response”.

Don’t get me wrong, having cancer sucks big time. But since no amount of being angry, sad, and frustrated is going to change the fact that we are here and we are dealing with this disease, we might as well figure out how to make something good come from it. Many women say that they are even grateful for their cancer journey, because of all of the positive things that came out of it. OK, you don’t have to go quite so far as to be grateful for it! But try to think of some good that has come out of the whole experience. Maybe you became closer than ever to your partner. Maybe you got rid of a crappy unsupportive partner? Maybe you learned to take better care of yourself. Eating healthier or exercising more regularly? (I quit drinking a coke every day for breakfast! Yuk, how did I live like that before?) Maybe you make more time for yourself and things you know are good for you, like napping, reading, or stillness, instead of constantly running, working, and achieving. Maybe you became more compassionate and understanding for others going through similar things. Maybe you realized just how strong you could be. Or that it is ok to also be vulnerable and admit when you need help. I know I learned to let go of my need to control everything, and to just be more open to whatever the universe brings me each day. I’m more flexible and more patient. My values and priorities shifted a little as I thought about what is really important to me (rather than what others or our culture value). And finally, I know we all have newfound appreciation for the preciousness of each moment and each day, knowing that tomorrow is not guaranteed (for us nor for those around us).

Whatever unpleasant and difficult things cancer brings into our lives, we can refuse to let that keep us down, and instead turn it into an opportunity for growth and improvement. We can birth our most beautiful selves!

Namaste

ps who wants to get a tattoo with me?!

pps Photo is from the beautiful lotus pond at the Vallarta Botanical Gardens

Are you flexible in body and mind?

You’ve seen this quote before because it is one of my favorites: “The flexibility we gain in asana is the living symbol of the suppleness we gain in relation to life’s problems and challenges” – BKS Iyengar. Many people think of flexibility first when they think of yoga. Images of super bendy people tying themselves into pretzels or contorting their bodies into unimaginable shapes are all over instagram, so these come easily into our minds. And of course, it is true that improving the flexibility of our body is a big part of yoga. But it definitely isn’t the only, nor the most important part. So let’s talk about flexibility.

I took this picture to remind myself to talk about flexibility of the chest/shoulder for us breast cancer survivors. This pose (and others that require the same opening of the chest wall and pectoralis muscle) were impossible for me for a time after recovering from my surgery and radiation. And my radiated side still, 4 years and lots of yoga later, is a bit tight. But after hours and hours of slow, steady effort, I am able to get into the position without pain. As you know, surgery (be it lumpectomy, mastectomy, or reconstruction) and radiation to the area of the breast create scarring across the front side of the chest wall. And our body’s natural reaction to an injury like surgery is to lay down scar tissue, which creates some contraction of the area as the body tries to heal. Radiation also causes a special kind of scarring, called radiation fibrosis, which causes a thickening and loss of elasticity of the skin, muscle, and connective tissue. Finally, immobility during recovery can also cause some contraction of this area and tightening of muscles. All of this results in contraction of the front side of the chest and shoulder, and a forward rolling of the shoulder, which can be uncomfortable or even painful. And if left untreated can end up in a frozen shoulder. So this type of stretch, which opens the front side of the body, stretching the skin, pectoralis, and other tissues of the chest wall, is so important in recovery after breast cancer. Of course we have to do it slowly and gently over a period of time. But it can be done, and it makes us feel so much better when we can get our chest loosened up again.

But flexibility in life is perhaps the more important skill that we learn from our yoga practice. Life is constantly changing, right? And presenting us with new and different challenges and surprises, requiring us to be able to shift gears and adapt to each new circumstance or obstacle. In yoga, as we train our bodies and minds to tolerate different positions and actions of the body and breath, we lay the groundwork for more flexibility out in the rest of our lives. This is what Iyengar means in the quote. Yes, flexibility in our body is important, but it is really just a symbol of the deeper flexibility that we gain from this practice.

And wow, does a cancer experience require us to be flexible! From things like waiting on test results, to ever-changing treatment schedules, new recommendations for treatment duration or testing regimes, to constantly changing treatment side effects and changes in our bodies as a result, to elation at good test results, and fear and worry with not-so-good results, a cancer journey is ever-changing. And the only way to get through this maze of twists and turns is to learn to be flexible, adaptable, resilient, and equanimous. To try not to get totally bent out of shape when your appointments have to change, or when you need to get another scan to better evaluate some abnormality. It is easier said than done, and I know that it is impossible to go through all of this stuff and not ever get flustered. But if we can just learn to be a little more flexible and at ease in the unknown, we will suffer much less as we navigate our way through. If we can realize that we are resilient, and we will figure it out, whatever the next step requires, we can relieve ourselves of some of that anxiety and tension. Yoga teaches our bodies and minds to do this. We use our breath, we relax into the unknown, we feel our strength, and we engage in the present as much as possible. Then with clarity and a calm mind, we do whatever we need to do.

So whether you just need a little more flexibility in your pecs, or you want to see what deeper flexibility you might be able to cultivate in your mind and your life, give yoga a try. Slow, gentle, persistent effort will get you there.

Namaste

Holding on loosely through a cancer journey

Rumi famously said “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go”. It is really true. And in the early 80’s (my formative childhood years), the rock band 38 special similarly said “Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go”. I still love that song, and can sing all of the lyrics! My cancer journey has really been a time to feel this message. For most of my life, I was just a person who could buckle down and muscle my way through any challenge. I could handle a lot, and maybe almost prided myself on my toughness. But wham! Cancer happens. And cancer isn’t something where you can just bite your lip, lower your head, and mow it over with your willpower and stubborness. A cancer journey unfolds on its own time, teaching us patience and the ability to release our need to control things with our will, or to force them to happen on our desired timeline. Many things are simply out of our control, and to try to hold on to that control is just inflicting unnecessary suffering on ourselves. And a cancer journey also often hits with such intensity (both physically and emotionally) that we cannot just muscle through, even if we wanted to. We learn to loosen our grip, to surrender, to let go, or let be what will. Along the way, we learn to identify when we can fight back a little and show our strength, and when we must again surrender and quietly accept the situation…. and in that dance, in that exquisite balance between holding on and letting go, we find freedom and grace.

So too, in yoga, we have to learn to balance holding on and letting go. Very commonly we get in our own way by gripping too intensely, or trying too hard in a pose. You might notice that in a backbending pose you feel a ton of tightening in the muscles of your back, and if you can learn to relax those muscles and soften into the pose, you’ll find more depth as well as more comfort in the pose. This is common in many postures, some more than others depending on your particular body type and what come easier to you. So next time you are practicing asana, really tune in to your level of effort and try to feel when you are fighting against yourself. Soften into the pose, while still maintaining a steady gentle strength. Find that perfect balance between effort and ease, and you’ll discover amazing depth. This is where the magic happens. And this magic can then accompany you off of your mat and into life’s challenges, be they cancer, or job stress, or interpersonal relationship stress, or whatever.

As 38 Special taught me at an early age, just hold on loosely, but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna loose control. (I hope you are singing it in your head now too!).

Namaste friends and Happy Saturday!

Did you know yoga can reduce the joint pain and stiffness related to your breast cancer treatment?

Just a quick post today to let you know about the research that demonstrates that yoga is effective in reducing the joint pain and stiffness commonly caused by the estrogen lowering medications, aromatase inhibitors. As you know, many breast cancers are related to estrogen, and estrogen blocking/lowering medications are proven to significantly reduce the risk of cancer recurrence and death in women who have that type of breast cancer. Unfortunately, like everything, these medications have some side effects. One of the most common is a joint pain and stiffness syndrome which can be very bothersome and even limit your activities. Medication treatments like anti-inflammatories aren’t terribly effective, and some women even stop taking their life-saving cancer treatment because the side effects are so troubling.

Guess what! There are several scientific studies that demonstrate that yoga practice can really help! These studies show yoga practice is safe AND results in a statistically significant improvement in pain, stiffness, functional ability, flexibility, balance, and quality of life! I’ll post links to several of the studies below. And the awesome thing is that yoga practice is simple, non-pharmacologic, accessible to anyone, and can be practiced at your own pace and in the comfort of your own home! Please join us to learn how to safely start your own yoga practice and get all of these benefits. We would love to help you feel better and thrive after breast cancer!

Namaste

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4610866/

https://journals.sagepub.com/…/10.1177/1534735411413270

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10549-015-3351-1

How self-awareness can optimize health and happiness after breast cancer

Eckhart Tolle is my all time favorite author. His simple spiritual messages speak to me so deeply, and relate so beautifully to the wisdom of yoga philosophy. One of the important things that yoga teaches us is to gain more self-awareness. This can take several avenues, including heightened awareness of the body, as we learn to tune in more to the movements of our bodies in asana practice, the flow of breath in asana, pranayama, or meditation, and even the more subtle movement of energy throughout the body in all of our practices and in daily life. Improved body awareness can be so important, especially in cancer survivors, in helping us heal, tolerate and even thrive during our treatments, and then regain strength and endurance when we are ready. It is so common in modern culture to just push our bodies to do whatever we think they should be able to do, without really listening to whether this is working for them or not. For example, waking up and guzzling down some caffeine to get you ready for a long work day, mindlessly consuming something quick while staring at your computer through lunch, followed by some carbs to combat the afternoon energy slump, then forcing yourself to go to the gym after work because it is the “healthy” thing to do, quickly eating dinner in front of some junk tv before collapsing into bed so you can do it again tomorrow, may seem like a “normal” way to conduct your life. But if you really think about it, does it even make sense that this lifestyle is good for your body? And do we ever listen to our bodies’ exhaustion, sluggishness, foggy mind, tension, anxiety, or chronic health conditions and wonder if our bodies are trying to tell us something? Yoga helps us to be more aware, to listen to our bodies and to be able to tune in to what they really need and what makes them feel best and operate most efficiently, both while we are dealing with cancer and beyond.

This increased awareness that yoga teaches us also relates to our ability to tune in to our own thoughts and emotions, improving our ability to observe them without being mindlessly swept away in the ever-changing currents. When we learn to observe ourselves more mindfully, we are then able to really feel how these different thought patterns and habits affect us. For example, when you get swept away in anger at someone who treats you badly, how does that make you feel? Tense, pained, hot, gasping for breath, or exhausted? On the other hand, how do you feel when you are generous and compassionate with someone, or you lend a hand and really help another? Calm, tranquil, open-hearted, and joyful? Perhaps your responses are different than these, but you get the idea that if we are mindful and learn to truly pay attention to what is going on in our bodies and our minds, then we can recognize when things are not optimal and we can choose if we want to make any changes to help ourselves.

So this is what Eckhart is getting at when he says “Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what goes on outside. When you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place”. Whereas if we are not mindful, and we are always focused outside of ourselves (on our deadlines, our goals, the stack of work on our desks, comparing ourselves to others, getting that last chemo, or getting that 10,000 steps) it is easy to lose sight of ourselves and what we really need to be doing to stay healthy in body and mind. But if we learn to pay close attention to everything we do and how it makes us feel, then we can choose to prioritize the activities and thought patterns that make us feel our best. In this way we have the power to make our lives healthier, happier, and more joyful.

For example, how would a 20 minute walk around the block feel instead of working through lunch? If you feel a little more energy and clarity of mind, then stick with that habit. If it just stresses you out more because you lost 20 minutes you could have been working, then that option isn’t for you.

How would you feel if you took a couple of deep breaths and just ignored the insult from the snarky relative or rude coworker, rather than allowing yourself to perseverate on all of the reasons why they are wrong (even if it is true), recognizing that this just causes you undue stress and tension?

How do on-line support groups make you feel? Inspired and motivated, learning new ideas from others? Or does it just make you feel bad and judge yourself if you didn’t exercise or eat as healthy as they did?

How do you feel when you take some time to relax and read a book? Or take a bubble bath? Or go to that yoga class you like? Or take a walk in the park? How do you feel when you work all weekend? Or when you have coffee for lunch? Or when you agree to do something you didn’t want to do or didn’t have time to do? How do you feel when you snap at a loved one out of frustration and tiredness? How do you feel when you think about how frustrating cancer treatment is or when you let yourself get caught in fear of recurrence? How do you feel when you focus on the things in your life for which you are grateful?

Just begin to notice how every little moment in your day feels to you. And try not to think about how you think it should make you feel, or what everyone else thinks about it. How does it really make YOU feel. And then you can work from there. Maybe no major changes are needed. But maybe just the smallest adjustment to your schedule or your habits, thought patterns, and interactions might make a huge difference in how you experience your days. And the icing on the cake is that this growing sense of awareness, of mindfulness, in and of itself, will make you feel better as well.

It’s your life. So pay attention to what is going on inside you and do what you can to make it a good one.

Namaste

The miracle of letting go of things, thoughts, or habits that are not serving us

I trust everyone had a lovely holiday, full of peace, joy, family, and friends. Since we finished our blog series on the 8 limbs of yoga, I can now go back to blogging about whatever is on my mind. Are you excited? LOL. I’ve been thinking this week about the coming New Year, and the fact that 2020 is finally coming to a close. Before we can really begin to set intentions and plan for 2021, I think it is helpful to spend a little time thinking about anything that we would like to leave behind in 2020.

Obvious things that come to mind right away include covid19, political ugliness, social unrest, and travel restrictions. I’d love it if we could leave these unpleasantries right along with 2020. But of course, as we all know, we don’t have much control over things that go on around us (aside from doing our part to maintain healthy conditions and vote). What we CAN do is work on how we respond to these things that are happening around us. Unfortunately the stress and trauma of 2020 may have led some of us to display some of our less healthy habits and thought patterns. This might include things like anger and judgement toward those with different beliefs than ours. Maybe we’ve been judging and criticizing ourselves for not reading 100 books or learning some new skill, like some of our friends did. Maybe we’ve allowed fear to dominate our minds and create divisiveness, loneliness, sadness, or despondency. Maybe we’ve been living in the past, longing for old times and therefore missing any of the great things that are going on right here in the present. Maybe we’ve become sluggish and lost motivation for some of our healthier habits like exercise or healthy eating. Maybe we’ve just been more irritable with those closest to us because we are frustrated with the limitations on our freedoms and activities. For us cancer survivors, maybe we’ve had even more fear than normal, with worries about getting sick at the office, not being able to get treatment in a timely manner, or not being able to get the follow up we need. Or we have felt especially isolated with support groups and exercise classes being cancelled or going on line, leaving us yearning for human connection. All of these are completely understandable responses to the crazy year that we have all just been through. So first, let’s just extend ourselves a little compassion and understanding.

However, we can then exercise some introspection, and we can see how some of these responses create more suffering than is necessary, and how we might be able to relieve some of that suffering within ourselves if we can just learn to let go of those unhealthy patterns and responses, replacing them with more loving kindness. So I invite you to think about some of the challenges of this past year. Consider how you responded to those challenges, and whether you could flip that narrative at all. Instead of “I hate being stuck at home”, we might let go of that urge to get out and think “Wow, what an opportunity for cultivating stillness and remembering how much I enjoy the simple comforts at home”. Or instead of “My husband is driving me crazy being cooped up in this house all the time”, we let go of our irritability and judgement and think “wow, what a blessing to get to spend more time together with this person who I love dearly, and who, while they may have different ways of doing things than I do, is really working hard to do the best he can for our family”. Instead of “I feel so isolated and afraid, and I don’t think I can get through cancer like this”, we could realize “This crazy year made it possible for us to more easily connect to people all over the world who are going through the same thing, and I can text or video chat with them anytime to get a much broader scope of support and advice”. Instead of “Damn, I can’t believe all the stress eating I’ve been doing, and how awful I look with this 15 extra pounds”, we drop the self-judgement and think “It has been a really stressful year, and this was the way I tried to cope and soothe myself, but I know I’m not alone in that, and together with my friends, I’m going to make a list of healthier habits to cultivate next year”. Finally, instead of “I can’t believe how stupid those people are who voted for XYZ, don’t they see how awful their choice is”, we drop the judgement and try a little empathy, with “I don’t understand their perspective, but I’m sure they are doing what they think is best, for whatever reason, and I respect that, and hope for the best for all of us”.

As Jack Kornfield says, “Letting go is the path to freedom”. Holding on to our anger, our judgements, our strong feelings about how things should be, or our preferences and aversions, keeps us trapped in the same old cycles of thoughts, behaviors, and habits. If you had an awesome year and felt fabulous and joyful through it all, maybe you already have it all right and you have nothing that you need to change. But I think most of us felt stuck, frustrated, fearful, angry, or irritated, at least a few times this year. If we want to be free, free to quiet our minds, free to open our hearts, free to live a life of joy and peace, then we must practice letting go of anything that is getting in our way. Take this final day or two of 2020 to reflect on the year, and then consider what may be getting in the way of where you’d like to take yourself in 2021. Be patient with yourself, as it may take some practice, but try letting go of any of those things and see if you feel a little freedom and lightness emerging.

Happy New Year and Namaste

A serene encounter with reality has to be good

Continuing along in our discovery of Patanjali’s 8 limbs of yoga, this week we will take a look at the 7th limb, dhyana, sometimes described simply as “meditation”. But, for me, it requires a little more description to get the full flavor of what dhyana truly means. It is not just “meditation”, as in “I’m sitting on my cushion and doing my meditation”, but perhaps better explained as meditative absorption, or a state of alert awareness in which we are no longer “trying” to meditate or “doing” meditation, but rather we ease into meditative awareness as a state of being. We are no longer actively trying to focus and concentrate (as in the 6th limb, dharana), and no longer actively thinking about or judging the focus of our concentration. Instead, we relax into a state of keen awareness and stillness (inner stillness even though we might be physically moving), in which that state of doing transforms into our state of being and profound clarity arises. Some describe this as being “in the flow” or “in the zone”, as a condition in which we feel a free flow of our energy and awareness, unencumbered by the thinking mind, generally imbued with some sense of peace or joy.

You all know how I love quotes and I couldn’t choose just one today. A few of my favorite quotes about meditation include Thich Nhat Hanh’s “In mindfulness, one is not only restful and happy, but alert and awake. Meditation is not evasion: it is a serene encounter with reality”, Deepak Chopra’s “Meditation is not a way of making your mind quiet. It is a way of entering into the quiet that is already there – buried under the 50,000 thoughts the average person thinks every day”, and Osho’s “Meditation is a surrender, it is not a demand. It is not forcing existence your way. It is relaxing into the way existence wants you to be. It is a let-go”. Each of these quotes so eloquently describes what is really happening in meditation, or dhyana.

Importantly, you don’t have to sit in a certain position or on a special cushion to enter into dhyana and get the benefits of meditation. This state can be entered into in the midst of our other daily activities. My favorite style of meditation is actually the moving meditation that I can sometimes achieve during my yoga asana practice. I say sometimes because I’m not always able to transcend my pesky thoughts and reach that place, but when I can, the yoga practice carries with it even more magic than ever. Sitting meditation is the style most people associate with the term meditation, but there are many options, including walking meditation, any number of mindfulness practices, mantra meditation, loving kindness or metta meditation, and many others. Moreover, many people are able to reach a state of dhyana, or meditative absorption, while doing other activities like painting, singing, gardening, hiking, playing with children, or whatever gets you out of your head and into the flow. So open your mind and explore the idea of dhyana and what methods might work for you. If you are a runner or a swimmer and you know that those activities are what get you into that flow state, then keep doing those! If sitting meditation or yoga work best for you, keep doing those! But remember not to try to force anything to happen. Then you’ll just be getting in your own way. Just keep practicing, and it will come.

Why should we do these practices? Most are familiar with some of the benefits of meditation, including things like stress relief, improved mood, reduced fatigue, improved concentration and efficiency. But there are other fascinating benefits including improved blood pressure, pain control, reduced signs of aging and memory loss, improved immune function, reduced inflammation, and improved self-awareness. Many of these benefits have been studied and documented in cancer survivors as well as the general population. It is easy to see how cancer survivors would benefit especially, and ASCO (American Society of Clinical Oncology) now recommend meditation for cancer survivors based on the proven benefits! But just as TNH says above, meditation is not evasion. We don’t use it to escape from our life or our problems, but instead to allow ourselves to experience our current situation with clarity, serenity, equanimity, and freedom from the judgements of the thinking mind and the emotions that accompany them. Ahhhhhhh, how refreshing! And this simple practice doesn’t require expensive or complicated equipment; just you, your awareness, and some time and effort!

So give it a try! Many cancer centers now offer meditation classes. You can also learn on line, or read a book ( https://yogawithleona.com/2020/07/10/book-review-time-again/). But as with everything in yoga, be patient and compassionate with yourself. This is a practice, with no right or wrong way, and no winners and losers.

Namaste